Repentance

Repentance is another of those trigger words. It elicits thoughts of an old bearded man standing on a street corner crying "Repent". Such impersonal calls to change your life don’t really make an impact and actually do the reverse. We come to ignore, or even worse, make fun of such moments.

It also represents a view of mankind based on his sinfulness that sees repentance as our primary need. How does the man on the corner know I need to repent?

So what does repentance really mean? I was surprised and delighted at the dictionary's definition. 

1. Deep sorrow, compunction, or contrition for a past sin, wrongdoing, or the like
2. Regret for any past action

When I looked up the word repent I found this definition which I liked a lot:

• to feel such sorrow for sin or fault as to be disposed to change one's life for the better

That's a beautiful way to describe an experience we all have had. What I liked in this definition is that it emphasizes the feeling aspect. We tend to use the word repent to mean to "change"- to change something we are doing.

We can do that. We are capable of behaving differently if we want to. But lasting change is a change of heart not a change of behavior.  Saying "Sorry" is meaningless unless we feel sorrow.

Most of us do feel sorrow for our mistakes. We are not being our better self. Our spirits know our true self and when we listen to our inner voice we do feel sorrow for all the ways we act that keep us back from being who we know we are.

Change is more complicated. I repeat behaviors that I am committed to change. I don’t always understand why I do what I do, why I react to certain people and situations negatively. There are people who I have negative feelings toward whose personalities seem to be pushing buttons that I am not even aware of.

I realize that it is my heart that needs changing and that is the spiritual journey of a lifetime.

Our relationship to the Lord is what helps our hearts to change.  Our relationship to Him deepens as we feel His love for us as He helps us to change.

So we all fight a battle within us at some point or another. That battle can eat away at our self-esteem. Sometimes I just want to hear a message of love and acceptance and empathy for my humanity. I get tired of being told I need to repent in order to qualify or be worthy.

I long to have a Mister Rogers in the pulpit telling me "I like you just the way you are."  That is the person that I would be willing to go to and say "But I don’t like myself right now." In the presence of such love I would be empowered to face my own demons. So I struggle with "repentance".  No, not the word, not my need to make changes, but our use of the word.

I don't want anyone to assume I am doing wrong and need to repent. I get tired of "Brothers and sisters, we need to repent."  There seems to be a constant message that it is assumed that I am doing wrong. I begin to feel conflicted. Am I and all those sitting around me really so bad?  Are we perpetuating old Protestant theology that we are sinful and unclean as a basis of who we are?

We had a lovely philosophy at Farmington Public Schools the prevailed whenever we were evaluated by an administrator. "If I tell you what you are doing well and praise you for it, you will be motivated to repeat those things."

Wouldn’t it be nice to mostly give thanks and praise for the things we are doing well? Wouldn’t it be nice to be treated as if our divine nature was shining through? Don’t we all need to be built up always? Don’t we want others to assume the best?

Doesn't love always win out in the end?

I am not saying that I have no need to make changes in my life.  I am imperfect. I know it well. I have much I need to change. After all, I have to live with myself 24/7! I am trying very hard to believe in myself. I believe we each are.

Remember this saying?  "Praise in public, punish in private."  We used that for parenting but isn't it also applicable here. 

The question then is how do we motivate change. And so I end with that beautiful quote by Joseph Smith:  "When persons manifest the least kindness to me and love to me, oh what power it has over my mind, while the opposite course has a tendency to harrow up all the harsh feelings and depress the human mind."  Leading With Love

I would hope that all our experiences together in our church community would be filled with love and kindness, that we would feel we are accepted "just the way we are".  In that environment we would be led to the Savior's love where we could take our own inner struggles and find healing. Within the arms of His love our hearts will change.

Moroni 7:48

“Wherefore, my beloved brother, pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that you may be filled with this love, which He hath bestowed upon all who are true followers of His son, Jesus Christ, that you may become the sons of God; that when He shall appear we should be like Him, for we shall see Him as he is; that we may have this hope, that we may be purified even as He is pure.”

Now let's look at some tougher scriptures that give the impression that the Lord is actually saying "Repent or I will smite you".

D&C 19:15-19
Therefore I command you to repent—repent, lest I smite you by the rod of my mouth, and by my wrath, and by my anger, and your sufferings be sore—how sore you know not, how exquisite you know not, yea, how hard to bear you know not.

For behold, I, God, have suffered these things for all, that they might not suffer if they would repent;

But if they would not repent they must suffer even as I;

Which suffering caused myself, even God, the greatest of all, to tremble because of pain, and to bleed at every pore, and to suffer both body and spirit—and would that I might not drink the bitter cup, and shrink.

How do we interpret the scripture?  I believe we must learn to interpret scriptures such as this one in light of our knowledge of God's great love for us and His desire to help us become like Him.
Scriptures that describe God's "smiting man by His wrath and anger" do not describe the actions of the God that I worship. 

However, the God I worship knows that mankind is capable of making terrible choices and when they do - they will indeed suffer the consequences of those actions.  He wants to protect us from that suffering but He can't. We are free to choose and choice is only real if we reap the consequences of our choices.  This is the Savior speaking here - the One who agreed to feel those pains so that He could succor us when we need forgiveness and healing.   It is He who agreed to die for us so that our right to have agency would be guarded and protected. I see in this scripture the pleading of a loving God who wants to shield us from suffering and realizes we just don't understand how bad consequences can really be- but He does.

Isn't that exactly what we do as parents with our own children? We warn them not to do certain behaviors because we know what the damage to them will be.  We don't want them to suffer. Yet we realize that they must begin to make their own choices.  It's very hard to watch our children make poor choices.

The whole message of Moses chapter 7 where the Lord is talking to Enoch is that God weeps when He sees us suffer!

I know I have quoted this hymn elsewhere but I find it filled with important truths that help clarify how God deals with man.  "Know This That Every Soul is Free".

1. Know this, that ev’ry soul is free
To choose his life and what he’ll be;
For this eternal truth is giv’n:
That God will force no man to heav’n.

2. He’ll call, persuade, direct aright,
And bless with wisdom, love, and light,
In nameless ways be good and kind,
But never force the human mind.

3. Freedom and reason make us men;
Take these away, what are we then?
Mere animals, and just as well
The beasts may think of heav’n or hell.

4. May we no more our pow’rs abuse,
But ways of truth and goodness choose;
Our God is pleased when we improve
His grace and seek his perfect love.

Perhaps we should add another verse that tells of the pain God feels when we hurt each other.

Here's another difficult scripture:  1 Nephi 15:33-36

Wherefore, if they should die in their wickedness they must be cast off also, as to the things which are spiritual, which are pertaining to righteousness; wherefore, they must be brought to stand before God, to be judged of their works; and if their works have been filthiness they must needs be filthy; and if they be filthy it must needs be that they cannot dwell in the kingdom of God; if so, the kingdom of God must be filthy also.

But behold, I say unto you, the kingdom of God is not filthy, and there cannot any unclean thing enter into the kingdom of God; wherefore there must needs be a place of filthiness prepared for that which is filthy.

 And there is a place prepared, yea, even that awful hell of which I have spoken, and the devil is the preparator of it; wherefore the final state of the souls of men is to dwell in the kingdom of God, or to be cast out because of that justice of which I have spoken.

Wherefore, the wicked are rejected from the righteous, and also from that tree of life, whose fruit is most precious and most desirable above all other fruits; yea, and it is the greatest of all the gifts of God. And thus I spake unto my brethren. Amen.

This scripture is even more difficult because in 2 Nephi 26 we find the same Nephi teaching: 

Behold, doth he cry unto any, saying: Depart from me? Behold, I say unto you, Nay; but he saith: Come unto me all ye ends of the earth, buy milk and honey, without money and without price.

The two seem to contradict each other.  So we are stuck having to interpret meaning and that is always the case with scriptures.  

I have learned through all my study and prayer over the years to trust in the loving God.  Therefore I have no choice except to interpret such a scripture to mean that once again the Lord is pleading with His children to CHOOSE eternal life and to live by principles that bring joy to our lives.  He knows the consequences of wrong doing and because He gave us our agency and the right to direct our own lives, He cannot take those consequences away.  We have to WANT to have those consequences removed. 

Filthiness and cleanliness are analogies that people understand.  We can relate to those words, we have experienced them in our daily lives.  That person who chooses to not change is not a devil, an evil person.  He or she is still a child of God with divine potential who has sadly not chosen to let that potential develop.  The scriptures use the word "unclean" to describe that state.  Just as Isaiah in that beautiful scripture that we love described the state of those who turn to the Lord as "white as snow".

Isaiah 1: 18

Come now, and let us reason together, saith the Lord: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool.

So is repentance a joy or a burden? 

I happen to believe it is a GREAT BLESSING!!  What would life be like if we could not change, if what you saw at any point of time is the final potential of any individual?  That would be a sad and hopeless state. 

But we can change! The fact that the Atonement is universal and applies to all men is a beautiful concept.  We are all capable of becoming . . . becoming more loving, more compassionate, more forgiving, etc.  We are all capable of becoming . . . becoming more knowledgeable, more talented, more educated, etc.  We are all capable of becoming.

In truth, we are all becoming, changing, constantly growing and learning through this mortal experience.  We make errors and we can change course.  We do terrible things and have the choice to change our lives around.  And there is One who will always accept our meager efforts and help us to make those changes.  It was so decided long ago when He offered Himself, "Here I am, send me."