Commandments

Thy word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path.

Psalm 119

To truly have joy in the gospel I have had to finally gain some perspective about the commandments. Here is what they are not:

1. They are not a test.
2. They are not a standard by which blessings and punishments are administered.
3. They are not outdated.
4. They are not "Do what I say or else!"

To command is to exercise authority and to order others. I spent my childhood visualizing God as this angry authority figure who did exactly that. He was that God of the Old Testament who wiped out cities and nations when they "broke the rules." Lot's wife was turned to stone; Sodom and Gomorrah gone. And as much as I loved Noah and all those animals on the ark, that story reminded me of what would happen if I did not obey.

No wonder I loved Jesus - the man who came to teach us how to love. The Jews could have their God. I was a Christian - I would follow Jesus.

With that paradigm in my head, I interpreted all the scripture to fit my understanding. And I carried that belief far too long. I believe it affected my feelings towards all male authority figures.

Over the years I gradually began to adopt a new paradigm - the loving Heavenly Father. The Young Women statement affected me profoundly when it was introduced: "We are daughters of our Heavenly Father, who loves us, and we love Him."

Teaching from Preach My Gospel while we were on our mission in Santa Rosa did the same. "God is our loving Heavenly Father."

But I must say the book The God Who Weeps by Terryl and Fiona Givens was pivotal. And I was 74 when I read this book! I wept the whole way through it. The Givens did not give me a whole new belief system -an alternative to Latter-day Saint doctrine. They showed me the Loving Father of Latter-day Saint doctrine. They freed me to read the scriptures, interpret the scriptures and see the love that is woven throughout.

I began to love the Gospel even more. With this new paradigm I have come to see the commandments as principles of happiness. I see them and all other teaching in the scriptures as the pleadings of this Father who loves his children so much that He wants them to know the path to happiness. I relate to this Loving Parent because I know how much I love my children.

I have this lovely version of my exit interview before I left my home above to come down to heaven.  It involves me sitting down with Heavenly Father and I would assume Mother, too.  They are assuring me of their love and reminding me of their plan and why earth life is so important.  "While you are there your job will be to discover principles that will bring you happiness when you live them.  You'll recognize them because they will remind you of us and of your home here.  But to help people remember them we have given them to prophets.  They are written in the scriptures and are called The Ten Commandments and we do so hope you will choose to live by them.  Just remember that each is based on a principle.  Don't ever get caught up in the language whereby truth is presented.  Look for the underlying principles and live by them.  Each will help you become the person you are meant to be."

One last thought before I talk about the commandments.  Too much emphasis on commandments and obedience doesn't seem healthy.  I often refer to this quote by Joseph Smith:

 “I teach them correct principles and they govern themselves.” (Messages of the First Presidency, comp. James R. Clark, 6 vols., Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, 1965–75, 3:54.) 

I totally agree that we should be teaching principles, not commanding people to do anything.  The following scripture says why: 

 D&C 58:26
For behold, it is not meet that I should command in all things; for he that is compelled in all things, the same is a slothful and not a wise servant; wherefore he receiveth no reward.

Hopefully, our roles as leaders and parents reflect this teaching of Joseph Smith.

Now let's look at The Ten Commandments knowing that within each is a principle that will bless our lives if we choose to live it. I look back over my life and see how much just those basic ten "commandments/principles" have blessed me and how many struggles in life are centered in them. This quote by G.K. Chesterton is quite appropriate:

"The truth is, of course, that the curtness of the ten commandments is an evidence, not of the gloom and narrowness of a religion, but, on the contrary, of its liberality and humanity. It is shorter to state the things that are forbidden than the things permitted; precisely because most things are permitted, and only a few things are forbidden."

GK Chesterton quote

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THOU SHALT HAVE NO OTHER GODS BEFORE ME

I have learned to focus my life on things that have eternal significance. I believe I put God first in my life when I am so focused. Whether it is raising a family, serving in church or community, how I treat the children who entered my classroom each day, or honoring all people as children of God, I was putting God first in my life. I see everything as a part of His creation and make an attempt to care for all around me as a way to honor my Heavenly Father. It has been a wonderful and happy way to live my life. I feel so blessed everyday.

THOU SHALT NOT MAKE UNTO THEE ANY GRAVEN IMAGE

this commandment reminds me that the best things in life cannot be seen with the eye: love, charity, kindness, forgiveness, a grateful heart, etc.

It is so easy to get caught up in believing happiness comes from things we can own. "Where your treasure is, there will be your heart also." We are easily distracted by the pursuit of material things. But as evidenced by this year's fires and hurricanes, those things can be gone in a minute. The trick is to use them gratefully but keep our hearts focused on eternal principles - things unseen that will remain with us when the storms are gone.

THOU SHALT NOT TAKE THE NAME OF THE LORD THY GOD IN VAIN

This was an important concept to the Jews. They honored God by honoring His name. In fact, they chose not to even speak His name - instead they substituted "ha - shem" ( the name).

Perhaps the principle we can learn here is that how we speak to and about a person is a reflection of who we are. When we use the name of God properly, it reflects our deepest feelings about Him, our respect for Him.

As we learn to speak respectfully to and about God we learn to control our thoughts and our tongue. We choose not to use common phrases that we here all the time such as "Oh, God", " Oh, my God", or "Jesus Christ" as a way to express frustration. But it goes deeper than that because we must learn to speak respectfully to everyone for they are God's children. 

So much of swearing is used to express anger and to hurt another person. I believe such unkind language hurts relationships and shows a lack of respect.

By choosing to refrain from any such disrespectful or"vain" language, I show how much I love and honor my fellow man and at the same time, respect God who is our Father.

Maybe swear words are in fact weapons and need to be buried as did the Lamanites who covenanted to never kill again. I know for myself that every bad word I have ever spoken was used as a weapon against another person. When I made a conscious effort to eliminate those words from my vocabulary, I eliminated much of the angry feelings that accompany them. I was forced to deal with disagreements in healthy ways. It was a great blessing to me to make that change.

REMEMBER THE SABBATH DAY TO KEEP IT HOLY

For all my life, Sundays have been a special day. Sunday has meant worship, beautiful church music, thoughtful lessons and being surrounded by friends and family.

It is a weekly, holy day - a holiday from work, a day to relax and recoup from a busy week. I'm not good at making it a productive day. I seem to just need the rest. On the seventh day God rested and so do I.

I love the Sabbath and I'm grateful it has blessed my life all these many years.

HONOR THY FATHER AND THY MOTHER

It is interesting that the Lord even had to put this in among the commandments. Every child loves their mom and dad - in an ideal world, that is. But we live in a less-than-ideal world. For some, their parents are the rock they stand on. For others, their parents are abusive or drug addicts. Some of us love our parents when we are young but as we get older we begin to recognize their faults and lose that idealized view and have to adjust our thinking so that we can honor them.

If parents are not perfect, if they are just a pure disappointment, why should we honor them?

Here's another thought I've had. Why begin marriage with eternal covenants? Why not marry civilly or at least not in the temple and then when you're sure that this is the person you want to spend your life AND maternity with - then get that marriage sealed.

And why do we go through all the trouble to find our ancestors and get sealed to them?

Something important is going on here. What is it?

First - we can never fully understand ourselves until we understand our roots.

Second - the family is the most important place for us to learn and practice forbearance, patience, forgiving and being forgiven. This is where we practice what we preach.

3rd - commitment made up front determines the course of action we will take when conflict arises.

I've gone through so many of the stages I described. I loved my parents when I was young. I wished I had different parents when I was a teen. As I did family history and began to ask questions about my parents lives I began to understand them and to understand myself.

As I have done family history, I have often wondered what these people were like? Maybe those couples don't want to be sealed. Maybe those children didn't like their parents.

But I see the ceiling ordinance as a "healing" ordinance. To become like God we must be able to love everyone. The Savior offers that healing - that chance to let go of offenses, of any hurts that evolved in relationships. We are sealed under the priesthood which offers all the blessings of the Gospel of Jesus Christ to each individual.

I like to hope that with all the temple ordinances in place, each family can be free to love each other and allow their life experience to become a learning experience, a pathway to growth.

My family is so important to me. It is where I belong. It's who I am. I'm so grateful for my family. Mom and Dad loved me and I loved them in return. I love my brothers - as different as we are. My extended family of aunts, uncles and cousins means a lot to me. It's been fun to reunite with cousins after years of going our separate ways.

The commandment to honor mother and father is so much more than just that. It is the gift of family for which I will always be grateful.

THOU SHALT NOT KILL (Or as Jesus added, " Whosoever is angry. . ."

It seems to me that the Lord is asking us to do two things here. The first is to value all life. Life is sacred. It is an amazing thing to live on planet earth - the only place that we know of in the whole universe that has life as we know it! Human life with all its complexities and all its complications is a rare and amazing phenomenon. We don't have the right to take that away from anyone.

Even more so - all of life is amazing. The earth is an ecosystem where every living thing has its part to play. Each piece is needed to maintain the system. Whenever humans destroy a piece of the ecosystem there are consequences. We are not to kill anything. We are to learn respect and awe for this magnificent home - Mother Earth.

The second part of this commandments which makes Jesus's addition important is that one task of becoming a responsible human being is to control our emotions. Anger is destructive. Even when it does not lead to murder, it is capable of killing relationships. Agency comes with responsibility. We are responsible for learning to appropriately handle anger which is a normal response to many situations. Unbridled anger is nasty and destructive.

The question for me here is how has this commandment blessed my life? I believe that because the Lord gave us this commandment I've had to do some soul-searching and to come to grips with my own tendency to get angry and even to wish certain people dead. Hitler would be a case in point. I should have been glad to have been a hit man sent in to eliminate this horrible man. But do I have the right to even think that way? Who am I to say who shall live and who should die? This commandment challenges my thinking and combined with the gospel that teaches that God loves all his children - even Adolf Hitler - I have to question my own hatred of this man.

Over years of such inner conflicts I have been able to let go of the anger and the need to judge others. I am able to give judgment to the Lord and trust that at some future time I will have a different perspective on those who I call "evil" people.

For me, the opposite of kill is love. This commandment frees us to love life!

THOU SHALT NOT COMMIT ADULTERY (Once again the Savior added to a commandment, "whosoever looketh upon another to lust. . ."

I'm grateful for all the wonderful people I know who value fidelity in marriage and family relations. These people are my heroes in a world gone crazy.

If all the world would live the law of chastity - that all sexual relations be within the bonds of marriage - just look at the heartache that would be avoided:

• No rape
• No prostitution
• No child predators
• No child prostitution and the child slave market it encompasses
• No children born without committed parents
• We could end sexually transmitted disease.
• The Aids/HIV epidemic would have been so much smaller and never the horrible tragedy it became in Africa.
• Women would be honored; never "objects".
• All the sexual exploitation we see in the news would be gone.

THOU SHALT NOT STEAL

Once again we are asked to love and respect others - this time by honoring the things that belong to them. If we borrow we are to return. We honor human life by honoring human possessions. Control desires. Take charge of your own life and create a way to obtain the things you need.

But that is not the world we live in, is it? We have come to expect the worst. We have home security systems, double locks on doors, identity protection, Norton on our computers. We dare not leave our doors unlocked. Our cars have anti-theft devices. We are taught how to be safe - never leave valuables in our cars, timers on lights make it appear someone is home at all times.

What a world! If only we all would not steal . . .

And yet we all have done this wrong at some time. It may have been a "cookie from the cookie jar" or a piece of candy. It may have been an answer to a question on a test. If we have, it may have been the first time we learned that we do indeed have an inner voice that tells us when we've done something wrong. For many a child this is when they discovered what a "guilty conscience" is.

I know that feeling and I don't like it. Losing integrity with yourself is a terrible feeling. Early childhood experiences of taking something that doesn't belong to us are often one of the best learning experiences we ever have -introducing to us our conscious conscience and helping us to make better choices in the future.

Thou shalt not steal is tied to the tenth commandment - thou shalt not covet but I think that one is the hardest of all.

THOU SHALT NOT BEAR FALSE WITNESS AGAINST THY NEIGHBOR

Most of us will never out-and-out tell lies about another person. Nor will we twist the truth about others. (Washington would certainly be well-served by living this commandment!)

Our challenge lies in speaking well of others and in not gossiping. Another challenge is to just keep and honor confidential information we may have about others.

Love, honor and respect are once again keywords. You don't have to like everyone. Personalities do clash. But we can give respect to all. And the best way we can do this is by how we speak of others.

Case-in-point - we have a neighbor who is bipolar. When she is off her meds, she is a nightmare. She can yell and scream and cuss you out over anything. At such times it would be easy to get caught up in negative conversations about what this neighbor has done this time. We choose not to do that - I read "false witness" to include sharing such stories with our neighbors.

Love, honor and respect is due to all human beings. We are all children of God with challenges of our own. I am blessed by this loving advice from my Father in heaven. I have kinder interactions with others because I choose not to bear false witness.

THOU SHALT NOT COVET THY NEIGHBOR'S HOUSE, THOU SHALT NOT COVET THY NEIGHBOR'S WIFE, NOR HIS MANSERVANT, NOR HIS MAIDSERVANT, NOR HIS OX, NOR HIS ASS, NOR ANYTHING THAT IS THY NEIGHBOR'S

I think this commandment is the hardest of all when you live in a culture driven by consumerism as we do here in the United States. We are barraged with the message that "things" will bring us happiness. Not true but...

Don't we find ourselves coveting

• our neighbor's house - all of a sudden ours isn't as satisfying. Their kitchen back-splash is so beautiful. I should redo mine, etc.
• our neighbor's wife - she's thinner, has nicer clothes, her hairstyle is stunning, etc
• our neighbors servants - perhaps a sign of status. Wish I could afford a maid . . .
• our neighbors transportation - another sign of status - perhaps his Lexus or Camry

There will always be something our neighbors, our siblings, our church friends have that is nicer than what we have. And the even sadder thing is that coveting causes us to break other commandments. No one steals without coveting. Murder is often linked to coveting. Adultery is often linked to coveting. Bearing false witness as a result of jealousy goes back to coveting.

I have two antidotes that work for me - the 10th commandment is all about "things". If we make a decision to focus our lives on becoming Christ-like, by developing the qualities of character that defined the Savior, "things" will lose their appeal. There is less satisfaction in the material as we develop the spiritual in our lives. Our hearts will change just as did the Grinch once he realized there was more to Christmas.

My cancer diagnosis in 2014 caused me to really take a good look at my life and evaluate what was really important to me. Relationships are the only things that matter. And all of the Christ-like attributes - everything the Savior taught us  - are the skills we need to make our relationships happy ones. Families are forever!!

The second tool I used to combat my moments when I find myself feeling sorry for myself because I am coveting things - is gratitude.

Counting my blessings is the healthiest thing I do for myself. It fills me with joy.  It fills me - it is like all those little empty spaces inside my heart that think a new "this or that" would bring some joy are so completely filled that there is no emptiness. I am complete. I am happy - not because anything changed but because I stopped to appreciate what I already have.

O, how I love God's laws. They have taught me how to live a happy life. His word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path. I shall forever be grateful that I have had the Gospel of Jesus Christ to guide my life.

Hymn 125 says the following:

How gentle God's commands

How kind his precepts are.

Come, cast your burdens on the Lord

And trust his constant care.

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THOU SHALT NOT NAG (Keep reading for an explanation)

If you have read the Anne of Green Gables stories then you already know that Anne could be stubborn and rebellious- in her own childlike, innocent way.  It often got her in deep trouble.  Near the end of the first book, Anne and Marilla are having a conversation about Anne's morning at church.

"I want to tell you something and ask you what you think about it.  It has worried me terrible -on Sunday afternoons, that is, when I think specially about such matters.  I do really want to be good; and when I'm with you or Mrs. Allan or Miss Stacy I want it more than every and I want to do just what would please you and what you would approve of.  But mostly when I'm with Mrs. Lynde I feel desperately wicked and as if I wanted to go and do the very thing she tells me I oughtn't to do.  I feel irresistible tempted to do it. Now, what do you think is the reason I feel like that?  Do you think it's because I'm really bad and unregenerate?

Marilla looked dubious for a moment. Then she laughed.

If you are I guess I am too, Anne, for Rachel often has that very effect on me.  I sometimes think she'd have more of an influence for good as you say yourself, if she didn't keep nagging people to do right.  There should have been a special commandment against nagging."

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