Perfection

Perfection is a curse for those of us who are perfectionists. Perfection is after all the state of being perfect, without flaw, unsurpassed. It is an unattainable goal therefore a curse upon those who feel that anything short of perfect is unacceptable.

I may have been able to get a 4.0 at school but in life those successes are more difficult. Perfectionism affects how we see ourselves in any endeavor where there is a grade, an outcome, a product, or result. Having such high expectations for yourself or having such expectations imposed by another leads to depression and low self-esteem.

So now we must consider the word "perfect" as used at church. Here are some examples:

“. . . A good marriage does not require a perfect man or a perfect woman. It only requires a man and woman committed to strive together toward perfection.”

President Howard W Hunter in April conference 1994  showed us how Jesus was perfect in all areas of his life and then encouraged us “What manner of men and women naughty to be? Even as he is.”

October 2016 conference Brian K A” the doctrine of Christ allows us to access the spiritual power that will lift us from my current spiritual state to estate where we can become perfect.”

Moroni 10:32

Yea, come unto Christ, and be perfected in him, and deny yourselves of all ungodliness, and if he shall deny yourselves of all ungodliness, and love God with all your might, mind, and strength. . .”

There is an expectation laid before us that our goal is perfection. No matter what process of being made perfect is taught, we know the goal and we know the reality of our own lives and there is a huge gap that we must reconcile.

“ Unrealistic expectations of the way it should be 

prevent us from ever being happy with the way it is.”

I do think it is just fine to model our lives after the Savior. We just have to have a better understanding of what that means. When the savior said "Be ye  therefore perfect" the word used in the Greek or German translation means whole, complete, or having reached its goal or end.

In "The Christ Who Heals", the Givens translate that passage this way:  “Therefore [that is, by following the path I am proposing] you shall be whole or complete.” 

Christ is expressing His promise that by following Him we will eventually fill the measure of our creation, become complete or whole as a part of a process He is overseeing and guiding. As we come to love Him, we are drawn to Him and then He works His magic on us.

As Moroni 10:32 concludes “then is his grace sufficient for you, that by His grace ye may be perfect in Christ.”

We do eventually become transformed by those things we love. It is a process that just happens. We can let go of perfection as our goal and just love the Savior, spend time with Him, follow Him, fill our lives with His teachings, etc. and eventually we will be transformed by His love for us and the power of His Atonement. Let our lives be filled with such love and goodness!

Sometimes I have had to ask myself "Did I even say what I wanted to say or did I just ramble on?” So here it is what I was trying to say:

"Perfection is not a goal at all. So it is unreasonable to think of it that way. There's nothing I can do now to be perfect. In fact, I don't like people who are trying so hard to be perfect. Instead I just try to fill my life with beauty – good people, beautiful music, favorite scriptures that inspire me, learning about people who make a difference in the world, family, Jesus and His Gospel, all the things I love.  As I continue to do those things I will eventually become the person I am supposed to be."

Walking in Beauty: Closing Prayer from the Navajo Way Blessing Ceremony

This prayer inspires me a lot.

In Beauty I walk.

With beauty before me I walk.

With beauty behind me I walk.

With beauty above me I walk.

With beauty around me I walk.

It has become beauty again.

Today I will walk out.

Everything negative will leave me.

I will be as I was before.

I will have a cool breeze over my body.

I will have a light body.

I will be happy forever,

Nothing will hinder me.

I walk with beauty before me.

I walk with beauty behind me.

I want with beauty below me.

I walk with beauty above me.

I walk with beauty around me.

My words will be beautiful.

In beauty all day long may I walk.

Through the returning seasons may I walk.

On the trail marked with pollen may I walk.

With beauty about my feet may I walk.

With beauty before me may I walk.

With beauty behind me may I walk.

With beauty below me may I walk.

With beauty above me may I walk.

With beauty all around me may I walk.

In old age wandering on a trail of beauty, lively, may I walk.

An old age wandering on a trail of beauty, living again, may I walk.

My words will be beautiful. . .

For me, Jesus Christ and His Gospel are the beauty with which I have walked. This poem expresses perfectly what that has felt like for me. No wonder I was so touched by the new song for primary next year, “I Will Walk with Jesus”.

As I walk with Jesus

To my home above,

He will bless me with His Spirit

And fill me with His love.

Change my heart forever

And help me clearly see,

I will walk with Jesus

And He will walk with me.

Pre-existence

The first time I heard about the "pre-existence" I laughed.   I thought "Who could believe such a thing?"

In truth, it is one of the greatest treasures of the Restoration.

There in the pre-existence is set the stage for some of our most cherished beliefs:

The Fatherhood of God

Our divine nature as His children

The purpose of life on earth

Jesus' role as part of the plan created for our progression

The truth of who the Godhead is

The gift of agency

If you want to really study how the doctrine was lost and how its loss affected Christian doctrine during all the centuries before that spring day in 1820 when young Joseph walked into the woods to pray, I recommend "The Christ Who Heals" by Terryl and Fiona Givens.

I remember the first time I heard William Wordsworth's poem " Ode: Intimations of Immortality from Recollections of Early Childhood". It stirred something within me. I have come to love this poem that reminds us that we came from God. . .

Our birth is but a sleep and a forgetting:

The Soul that rises with us, our life's Star,

Hath had elsewhere its setting,

And cometh from afar:

Not in entire forgetfulness,

And not in utter nakedness,

But trailing clouds of glory do we come

From God, who is our home.

Priesthood

This article is not about what the priesthood is, but about how our past understanding of what the priesthood is has limited our abilities to work together as men and women and as equal partners. The proclamation has always declared that ". . . fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners."  We are now seeing that expand to all areas of work in the church. 

When I think of the priesthood, (and this is true confession here) I think of the administrative side of the church. The men hold the priesthood and they do the business of the church.  They preside at meetings and they perform ordinances.  Look back at what I wrote about "keys".  That article is all about the who can do what and whys of the priesthood.

When it comes to authority that is different. When each of us is set apart for whatever calling we may have, we are given authority to function in that calling and receive revelation for it. Priesthood power is your own personal righteousness which empowers you and connects you to heaven. This is available to both men and women.

President Oaks in April 2014 Conference said "We are not accustomed to speaking of women having the authority of the priesthood in their church callings, but what other authority can it be?"

And yet women still ask, "Will women ever get the priesthood?" I personally think that is secondary to a more important issue.  "Will women have a voice?"

Some of the biggest frustrations I have heard women voice have had nothing to do with wanting to preside over a meeting or officiate in an office. The frustrations have come when men in bishoprics do not listen to or take seriously the concerns of the Relief Society Presidencies, the Young Women Presidencies and the Primary Presidencies. Women are not second to men in understanding the needs of those they serve. No hierarchy of revelation states that you don't have to listen to those who serve under you. The need to be recognized, listened to, and acknowledged is immense. Good leaders do that. They ask questions, they recognize that those who are on the ground level know the most, they listen to their concerns and acknowledge their needs. That is what women want and sadly, it has been slow in coming.

It was no wonder I identified with Jasmine in the movie Aladdin when she sang:

Here comes a wave meant to wash me away.

A ride that is taking me under.

Swallowing sand, left with nothing to say

My voice drowned out in the thunder.

But I won't cry and I won't start to crumble

Whenever they try to shut me or cut me down.

I won't be silenced; You can't keep me quiet

Won't tremble when you try it

All I know is I won't go speechless

Cause I'll breathe when they try to suffocate me.

Don't you underestimate me. 

Cause I know that I won't go speechless.

Written in stone; every rule, every word, Centuries old and unbending

"Stay in your place." "Better seen and not heard", But now that story is ending.

I lay no blame.  Men and women have acted out of honest intent, trying to understand what their responsibilities were.  As I look at my own life, I learned what it is to be a woman from the women in my family, from lessons in Relief Society and from the older women at church.  The problem is I found the model not working for me.  Thankfully, we are in a new age now where women are at last taking a place next to the men, serving right along with them.  The new model is exhilarating. 

Progression

For me, my own person progression has always been two steps forward and one step back. Sometimes it's more like a game of Chutes and Ladders. I work hard to climb the ladder then trip and slide right down the chute.

What I do know is that I am 76 years old and I don't know very much. How can we ever imagined that we could become like Father and Mother!

But I have learned a little. I believe I am a better person than I was. I trust that I shall eventually "fulfill the measure of my creation" because I have One who is my Shepherd who is guiding me there. He's been helping me all along and I know He will continue to do.  He is as invested in my progression as I am.  After all, He gave His life so that I would have the privilege of living on this earth and learning to grow through experience.

Come unto Jesus, ye heavy laden

Careworn and fainting, by sin oppressed.

He'll safely guide you unto that Haven

Where all who trust Him may rest.

********

E'en down to old age, all my people shall prove

My sovereign, eternal, unchangeable love.

And then, when gray hair shall their temples adorn

Like lambs shall they still in my bosom be borne.

********

That soul that on Jesus hath leaned for repose

I will not, I cannot, desert to his foes.

That soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake,

I'll never, no never, I'll never forsake!

Prosper

Prosper.  Don't we all want to prosper?  We want our lives to be filled with abundance.  We feel "prosperous" when our needs are met and there is nothing lacking.  

And as members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints we have read the Lord's promise in the scriptures:

Mosiah 2:22 
And behold, all that he requires of you is to keep his commandments; and he has promised you that if ye would keep his commandments ye should prosper in the land; and he never doth vary from that which he hath said; therefore, if ye do keep his commandments he doth bless you and prosper you.

As a young woman I took those words literally.  I was sure that as long as I was living the Gospel the best I could, the Lord would make sure I was prosperous, lacking for nothing.  

Actually I was sure that He was required to provide me with every need.  I had this scripture as evidence of that.

D&C 82: 10

I, the Lord, am bound when ye do what I say; but when ye do not what I say, ye have no promise.

It was so easy to believe that the result of good choices would be overwhelming blessings, wealth and prosperity.  

After all, wouldn't you say to prosper means to be prosperous?

Life is not as easy as that.  One of the best books I ever read was Rabbi Harold Kushner's "Why Bad Things Happen to Good People".  He helped me to become a more thoughtful person, centered on understanding how life's trial become a blessing in our lives and help us to grow.  I have a more mature faith as I have changed my definition of the word "prosper".

Here are some quotes from the book.  You will see how they changed my thinking.

“Pain is the price we pay for being alive. Dead cells—our hair, our fingernails—can’t feel pain; they cannot feel anything. When we understand that, our question will change from, “Why do we have to feel pain?” to “What do we do with our pain so that it becomes meaningful and not just pointless empty suffering?”

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“What did I do to deserve this?” is an understandable outcry from a sick and suffering person, but it is really the wrong question. Being sick or being healthy is not a matter of what God decides that we deserve. The better question is “If this has happened to me, what do I do now, and who is there to help me do it?”

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“We can't pray that God make our lives free of problems; this won't happen, and it is probably just as well. We can't ask Him to make us and those we love immune to diseases, because He can't do that. We can't ask Him to weave a magic spell around us so that bad things will only happen to other people, and never to us.

People who pray for miracles usually don't get miracles, any more than children who pray for bicycles, good grades, or good boyfriends get them as a result of praying. But people who pray for courage, for strength to bear the unbearable, for the grace to remember what they have left instead of they have lost, very often find their prayer answered.”

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“God does not cause our misfortunes. Some are caused by bad luck, some are caused by bad people, and some are simply an inevitable consequence of our being human and being mortal, living in a world of inflexible natural laws. The painful things that happen to us are not punishments for our misbehavior, nor are they in any way part of some grand design on God's part. Because the tragedy is not God's will, we need not feel hurt or betrayed by God when tragedy strikes. We can turn to Him for help in overcoming it, precisely because we can tell ourselves that God is as outraged by it as we are.”

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“We don't have to beg or bribe God to give us strength or hope or patience. We need only turn to Him, admit that we can't do this on our own, and understand that bravely bearing up under long-term illness is one of the most human, and one of the most godly, things we can ever do. One of the things that constantly reassures me that God is real, and not just an idea that religious leaders made up, is the fact that people who pray for strength, hope and courage so often find resources of strength, hope and courage that they did not have before they prayed.”

― Harold S. Kushner, When Bad Things Happen to Good People

So how then do I choose to define the word prosper?  

"The verb prosper commonly means to generate wealth, as in “she hopes to prosper from her new investments.” But more generally it means “grow stronger” or "flourish" — crops will prosper when they have adequate sun and water, and rescued animals can prosper in a loving home."  

As Latter-day Saints we aren't concerned about prospering in wealth.  We are concerned that our faith and testimonies will flourish! 

Prosper:  to have a testimony of God's love for you, to have peace in your heart, knowing that He lives and you are in His care and keeping.  Life's ups and downs will not disturb your peace.  You are centered in Him.  

D&C 101:16 

Therefore, let your hearts be comforted . . .  for all flesh is in mine hands; be still and know that I am God.

Prove

"Prove" can mean two things. First, to test or try something or someone. Second, to experience, to be exposed to or to sample.

Abraham 3:25

And we will prove them herewith, to see if they will do all things whatsoever the Lord their God shall command them.

Words mean different things to different people. When I read the scripture from the Book of Abraham I am transported right back to my days in school. It was there I learned a lot more than was in the books. I learned that school was a weeding out process to find out who is smart and who isn't. If you messed up on a test, you just plain messed up. There was no going back to try again. The test day was the end day. You had had your chance to "prove" yourself.

I learned that we were often competing for rewards. There were not enough rewards for everyone. It was a game of winners and losers.

And perhaps what I disliked the most was that the amount of material to learn was immense and it wasn't often clear what of all that material was the most important. I stressed over every test. And I was smart. I was a good student. I loved and still do love learning but I have no desire whatsoever to take a class again. 

So I read Abraham 3:25 and my stress levels rise. This is the portrayal of God as "a Stern schoolmaster. He set standards, we take the test, and a few of us pass. Only occasional A's are handed out, while for most of us, slack and mediocre as we are, a perpetual detention is our destiny." Givens  The Christ Who Heals p. 107

This is contrary to what I know to be the character of God. Look at these scriptures:

2nd Peter 3:9

The Lord is not slack concerning His promise, as some men count slackness; but is longsuffering to us-ward, not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance.

Isaiah 49:16

Behold, I have graven the upon the palms of my hands; thy walls are continually before me.

Hebrews 13:5

. . . for He hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.

CS Lewis quote: 

"Make no mistake, if you let me, I will make you perfect... Whatever it costs me. I will never rest, nor let you rest, until you are literally perfect." The Joyful Christian p. 77-78

John 12:32

And I . . . will draw all men unto me.

2nd Nephi 26:24

He layeth down his own life that he may draw all men unto him; wherefore, he commanded none that they shall not partake of his salvation.

This is not the stern schoolmaster. This is the "patient master teacher; he is the loving tutor, who, devoted to his students, remains with us, staying after class for extra lessons, giving us individualized attention, practicing sums again and again, late into the night, for as long as it takes - until we master the material." (Givens again)

So I must reinterpret the Abraham scripture. Maybe the word prove could mean "check and see how they are doing, to see if they are experiencing what was hoped for." The master teacher doesn't know what lesson we need next until he knows where we are.

We had a high counselor recently give a talk in sacrament meeting about the word "prove".  His analogy is just perfect!  

"I’m in the auto industry, my company has a Proving Ground in Chelsea, Michigan.
The purpose of the proving ground is to run cars around it, with it’s varying road conditions.

Up and down hills.
Around curves.
Over broken pavement.
On dirt roads,
Through snow, mud, and ice.

After some time going around the track, the car is examined to see what broke. That part is strengthened and the car is sent out again.

The process is continued until the car has been proven to meet the requirements for the car’s purpose.

Likewise, we navigate our proving ground on earth.

The purpose of this earthly proven ground is to help us fix those parts of us that “break” when we sin, when we fall short, when we don’t live up to the covenant.

“And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.”

Pay close attention to the language here...
I give unto men “weakness” (not weaknesses).

What is this weakness?
We are of the earth, earthly, (not celestial) — we are all mortal, and we all have this weakness. We act “mortally” in a mortal world, when we’re trying to become Celestial.

The Proving Ground is intended to enact the proving process so we become stronger, more celestial.

Final thought: 

My choice is to not be deterred from believing that the Lord is the kind and loving Master Teacher. I can trust that He will be with me always and help me fulfill my divine potential. He knows me. He knows my heart. He knows my goodness and my desires. He will bring me home - as He will do for each of us who wants to - no matter how long that takes.

Qualify

Qualify is another one of those trigger words for perfectionists like me. It sounds like there is a test to pass, there is some standard that I have to meet and I immediately feel stress.

So I wasn't particularly please to see that word in the new young women's theme where it says “as I strive to qualify for exaltation.”

I know that my eternal well-being is my choice. I was given agency and God will not force me to heaven. But what exactly do I have to choose? What is my part? The word qualify feels like it is all being placed on me. I have to be perfect to get to heaven, to be loved, to feel okay about myself. The triggers are all there.

I always find myself going back to John 3:16-17

For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son that who so ever believe with on him should not perish but have everlasting life. For God sent not his son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through him might be saved.

That’s is God’s part. John then goes on to talk about our part

John 3:18 – 21

• He that believes is not condemned
• He that doesn’t believe is condemned because he loves darkness
• He that doeth truth loves the light 

So it is clear we make choice a choice to love light and truth or darkness. If we love light we are doing what we can - we believe and are following Jesus. We are aware of our mistakes and changing constantly because we love Him and what to be with Him.

That is it! That is all we have to do. Now the whole thing goes back to him!

Verse 3 of "Away in a Manger" says:

Be near me, Lord Jesus

I asked thee to stay

Close by me forever

And love me I pray.

Bless all the dear children

In thy tender care

And fit us for heaven

To live with thee there.

That says to me "My desire is here.  I have asked Him to be near me.  Now the Lord can bless and sanctify me and "fit me for heaven".

Perhaps we can also consider the word qualify maybe substituted with the word prepared. (I make this same suggestion when talking about the word "worthy".)  "As I strive to prepare myself for exaltation" feels better to me. There are things I can do to prepare myself - it doesn't feel like I am being judged. It's really important for me to define words like this in ways that feel good to me.

I do have a bottom line of how I expect a gospel truth to be taught. My bottom line is that our ability to respond to truth is most likely to happen when it is spoken with love.  Some words convey love to me better than others.

As I see it, heaven is not a reward for merit. It is an "eternal sociality of celestial beings, existing, striving and creatively, engaging in loving relationships. Atonement is primarily about healing the pains and strains of injured relationships incurred in route to that destination, fractures among ourselves as humans and with those Gentle Parents patiently working to improve and guide us." (Givens, The Christ Who Heals, page 74)

This feels so right to me. I qualify when I accept the Lord’s invitation to come and be healed. I have to be humble and willing to do that. I have to swallow my pride. I have to be willing to forgive. I have to accept His way of life and I do that when I feel His love and am drawn to him.

1 John 4:19 We love him because he first loved us.

"And he who created me for love, by the same love wanted to restore man to the same blessedness and even more… Our creator wished us to be like Jesus Christ, Our Savior in heaven forever… And God revealed this all most blessedly, as though to say, See, I am God. See, I do all things. See, I never remove my hands from my work, nor ever shall without end. See, I guide all things to the end that I ordained them for, before time began, with the same power and wisdom and love with which I made them, how should anything be amiss? (Julian of Norwich)

That is the love that invites and beckons and to which I respond, "Lord, I would follow Thee"!

That response qualifies me!

That response qualifies me!

Quietness

I am such a believer in quietness. We each need a time and a place where we can walk away from the noise and commotion of everyday life and be quiet.

My quiet time is early morning. I have my place on our front porch. It is there I have my comfy chair, my scriptures, journals and pens, my tablet that connects me to the Ensign, and Conference talks and other such places on the internet.

Here it is that I pray, study, write, and meditate. Here I get to know myself and connect to God. It is a special time for me. My well-being depends on it.

I love the story told in the Presidents of the Church study manual about President Spencer W. Kimball, chapter 3.  President Kimball had had three heart attacks in a two week period. He arranged to go to New Mexico to recuperate among his Navajo friends. One morning they discovered he was gone - his bed was empty. By 10 a.m. they begin to worry and went to search for him.

They found him several miles away sitting under a pine tree. He told them "Five years ago today I was called to be an apostle of the Lord Jesus Christ, and I just wanted to spend the day with Him whose witness I am."

I feel that way about my quiet time. It is my time with the Lord.

Take time to be holy, speak oft with the Lord.

Abide in Him always, and feed on His word.

Make friends of God's children, Help those who are weak.

Forgetting in nothing His blessings to seek.

Take time to be holy, the world rushes on,

Spend much time in secret, with Jesus alone.

By looking to Jesus, like him thou shalt be

Thy friends in thy conduct His likeness shall see.

Take time to be holy, let him be thy Guide,

And run not before Him, whatever betide.

In joy or in sorrow, still follow the Lord 

And, looking to Jesus still trust in His word.

Take time to be holy, be calm in thy soul. 

Each thought and each motive beneath His control. 

Thus led by His Spirit to fountains of love

Thou soon shalt be fitted for service above.

"Have you heard the wonderful silence just before dawn?"

Quiet is peace…

Sometimes you need to sit lonely on the floor 

in a quiet room in order to hear your own voice 

and not less it drown in the noise of others.

Listen to silence. It has so much to say.

In quietness the soul expands.

Reverence is more than just quietly sitting. 

It’s thinking of Father above. 

A feeling I get when I think of His blessings. 

I’m reverent for reverence is love. 

When I’m reverent it shows in my words and my deeds,

The pathway to follow is clear. 

And when I am reverent I know in my heart 

Heavenly Father and Jesus are near.

Redemption

To redeem is:

1. to discharge or fulfill a promise
2. to obtain the release or restoration of by paying a ransom
3. to deliver from sin and its consequences by means of a sacrifice offered for the sinner
4. to Ransom or buyback a person from captivity by paying a stipulated price.

The antonym is ABANDON.

Redemption then is the act of redeeming or atoning for a fault or mistake; deliverance, rescue, deliverance from sin.

Jesus is our Redeemer. Redemption comes through His atonement. I love that the antonym is abandonment. Can you even imagine Jesus abandoning us? He is so many things and affects our lives in so many ways from the tiny babe who reminds us that God's love and His plan for His children is in place to His dying words “forgive them. . .”

"He brings about our souls healing, mending fractured relationships, resolving our temporary alienation from our Heavenly Parents, and affecting a more whole and holy selfhood." (page 58 The Christ Who Heals by Givens.)

"Jesus of Nazareth, the Living Son of the Living God, restored physical life where death had held sway and brought joyful, spiritual redemption out of sin, hellish darkness and despair. (Jeffrey R. Holland April 2009 conference.)

"The hope is found in the transformative power of the Gospel of Jesus Christ and in the Savior's redemptive power to heal our soul sickness. (Dieter F Uchtdorf October 2018 conference)

Redeeming mankind is Jesus' purpose - His work and His glory. He will not abandon us until we are home and healed of our “soul sickness". The reality though is that He can’t redeem us unless we want to be redeemed. But He will never stop reaching out and inviting us. His love will always be constant and true. We will never be abandoned by our Savior.

You know when you are young, either in age or experience, Gospel terms are often just academic.  You know what they mean but they don't always have a meaning in your heart.  The following poem was written to express that moment when I had my own personal spiritual experience and knew that Jesus was "my Redeemer".  I learned that it is not just that He redeems us from physical and spiritual death.  He often and repeatedly redeems us from our selves and the messes we make of our lives.  What can be more redemptive than to feel love when you have failed, to feel healing when your heart is breaking, to know that there is still hope when you are lost in hopelessness.

Remission

Remission = Absolution, forgiveness, pardon

To remit is to cancel or free someone from a punishment or debt; to give relief, to release from guilt, to restore to a former status

I personally don't think of ”the remission of sins” in terms of cancelling a punishment or debt. My own parenting taught me that punishment is not an effective means of changing behavior. Wrong choices always have their own natural consequences. Adding punishment on top of that teaches nothing positive.

But to give relief and release from guilt and by so doing to restore to a former status of well-being, now that is a gift we all desire at some time in our lives.

So take the simple case of a little girl who cheated on a test at school. She just glanced at a neighboring student and saw an answer. No premeditation but she then wrote it on her paper.

That evening it was evident there was something wrong; she was isolating herself from the family. She just was not herself. It was a battle raging inside. When her mom asked what was wrong she poured it out, seeking relief, hoping the guilt would go away. But her mom could not give her that gift. She needed to talk to her teacher.

The next day a happier child returned home. I don’t remember what consequence the teacher gave but I know know that the courageous act of telling the truth and facing the consequences assuaged her guilt and a kind teacher helped a little girl learn a valuable lesson.

Life is like that. We err. We lose faith in ourselves. We live with consequences that cannot always be resolved. We carry guilt for years, depriving ourselves of happiness we are meant to enjoy.

Relationships suffer. We lose out on so much that was intended from the beginning to bless our lives. We don't know how to fix it.

I cannot imagine anything more wonderful than the privilege of being in the presence of a love so strong and faithful that there I could bare my soul and let it all pour out.

God does not seek to punish us. He seeks to bless us. We punish ourselves and the consequences of our actions punish us. Others punish us by cutting us off. Relationships are severed.

There is forgiveness and relief, released from guilt, restoration of the former self all available through Jesus Christ. He knows and understands. He has felt all the pain we mortals have ever created. He is our friend and our advocate and our mediator. I picture myself sitting with Him and pouring out my whole life story while He helps me process everything that took place.  I imagine Him bringing us together with others who have hurt us and who we also have hurt. He will help us heal those wounds and heal our relationships. His love will give us the strength to be healed.

No wonder I love artwork where various people are alone with the Savior.  I long for that day.

That is remission. Now restored to our original state – in a state of well-being – we no longer will hide from His presence. We are free to go home where we belong. Free but changed - having experienced good and evil as was intended. Ready to choose good having learned the terrible consequences of having chosen wrong time after time.

But we don't need to wait to have this experience. It is available right now. That is the good news of the Gospel of Jesus Christ!

Come, ye disconsolate wherever ye languish

Come to the mercy seat; fervently kneel.

Here bring your wounded hearts; Hear tell your anguish.

Earth has no sorrow that heaven cannot heal.

Joy of the desolate, light of the straying.

Hope of the penitent, fadeless and pure.

Here speaks the Comforter tenderly saying

Earth has no sorrow that heaven cannot cure.

Hear see the bread of life; see waters flowing

Forth from the throne of God, pure from above.

Come to the feast of love. Come, ever knowing

Earth has no sorrow but heaven can remove.

Repentance

Repentance is another of those trigger words. It elicits thoughts of an old bearded man standing on a street corner crying "Repent". Such impersonal calls to change your life don’t really make an impact and actually do the reverse. We come to ignore, or even worse, make fun of such moments.

It also represents a view of mankind based on his sinfulness that sees repentance as our primary need. How does the man on the corner know I need to repent?

So what does repentance really mean? I was surprised and delighted at the dictionary's definition. 

1. Deep sorrow, compunction, or contrition for a past sin, wrongdoing, or the like
2. Regret for any past action

When I looked up the word repent I found this definition which I liked a lot:

• to feel such sorrow for sin or fault as to be disposed to change one's life for the better

That's a beautiful way to describe an experience we all have had. What I liked in this definition is that it emphasizes the feeling aspect. We tend to use the word repent to mean to "change"- to change something we are doing.

We can do that. We are capable of behaving differently if we want to. But lasting change is a change of heart not a change of behavior.  Saying "Sorry" is meaningless unless we feel sorrow.

Most of us do feel sorrow for our mistakes. We are not being our better self. Our spirits know our true self and when we listen to our inner voice we do feel sorrow for all the ways we act that keep us back from being who we know we are.

Change is more complicated. I repeat behaviors that I am committed to change. I don’t always understand why I do what I do, why I react to certain people and situations negatively. There are people who I have negative feelings toward whose personalities seem to be pushing buttons that I am not even aware of.

I realize that it is my heart that needs changing and that is the spiritual journey of a lifetime.

Our relationship to the Lord is what helps our hearts to change.  Our relationship to Him deepens as we feel His love for us as He helps us to change.

So we all fight a battle within us at some point or another. That battle can eat away at our self-esteem. Sometimes I just want to hear a message of love and acceptance and empathy for my humanity. I get tired of being told I need to repent in order to qualify or be worthy.

I long to have a Mister Rogers in the pulpit telling me "I like you just the way you are."  That is the person that I would be willing to go to and say "But I don’t like myself right now." In the presence of such love I would be empowered to face my own demons. So I struggle with "repentance".  No, not the word, not my need to make changes, but our use of the word.

I don't want anyone to assume I am doing wrong and need to repent. I get tired of "Brothers and sisters, we need to repent."  There seems to be a constant message that it is assumed that I am doing wrong. I begin to feel conflicted. Am I and all those sitting around me really so bad?  Are we perpetuating old Protestant theology that we are sinful and unclean as a basis of who we are?

We had a lovely philosophy at Farmington Public Schools the prevailed whenever we were evaluated by an administrator. "If I tell you what you are doing well and praise you for it, you will be motivated to repeat those things."

Wouldn’t it be nice to mostly give thanks and praise for the things we are doing well? Wouldn’t it be nice to be treated as if our divine nature was shining through? Don’t we all need to be built up always? Don’t we want others to assume the best?

Doesn't love always win out in the end?

I am not saying that I have no need to make changes in my life.  I am imperfect. I know it well. I have much I need to change. After all, I have to live with myself 24/7! I am trying very hard to believe in myself. I believe we each are.

Remember this saying?  "Praise in public, punish in private."  We used that for parenting but isn't it also applicable here. 

The question then is how do we motivate change. And so I end with that beautiful quote by Joseph Smith:  "When persons manifest the least kindness to me and love to me, oh what power it has over my mind, while the opposite course has a tendency to harrow up all the harsh feelings and depress the human mind."  Leading With Love

I would hope that all our experiences together in our church community would be filled with love and kindness, that we would feel we are accepted "just the way we are".  In that environment we would be led to the Savior's love where we could take our own inner struggles and find healing. Within the arms of His love our hearts will change.

Moroni 7:48

“Wherefore, my beloved brother, pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that you may be filled with this love, which He hath bestowed upon all who are true followers of His son, Jesus Christ, that you may become the sons of God; that when He shall appear we should be like Him, for we shall see Him as he is; that we may have this hope, that we may be purified even as He is pure.”

Now let's look at some tougher scriptures that give the impression that the Lord is actually saying "Repent or I will smite you".

D&C 19:15-19
Therefore I command you to repent—repent, lest I smite you by the rod of my mouth, and by my wrath, and by my anger, and your sufferings be sore—how sore you know not, how exquisite you know not, yea, how hard to bear you know not.

For behold, I, God, have suffered these things for all, that they might not suffer if they would repent;

But if they would not repent they must suffer even as I;

Which suffering caused myself, even God, the greatest of all, to tremble because of pain, and to bleed at every pore, and to suffer both body and spirit—and would that I might not drink the bitter cup, and shrink.

How do we interpret the scripture?  I believe we must learn to interpret scriptures such as this one in light of our knowledge of God's great love for us and His desire to help us become like Him.
Scriptures that describe God's "smiting man by His wrath and anger" do not describe the actions of the God that I worship. 

However, the God I worship knows that mankind is capable of making terrible choices and when they do - they will indeed suffer the consequences of those actions.  He wants to protect us from that suffering but He can't. We are free to choose and choice is only real if we reap the consequences of our choices.  This is the Savior speaking here - the One who agreed to feel those pains so that He could succor us when we need forgiveness and healing.   It is He who agreed to die for us so that our right to have agency would be guarded and protected. I see in this scripture the pleading of a loving God who wants to shield us from suffering and realizes we just don't understand how bad consequences can really be- but He does.

Isn't that exactly what we do as parents with our own children? We warn them not to do certain behaviors because we know what the damage to them will be.  We don't want them to suffer. Yet we realize that they must begin to make their own choices.  It's very hard to watch our children make poor choices.

The whole message of Moses chapter 7 where the Lord is talking to Enoch is that God weeps when He sees us suffer!

I know I have quoted this hymn elsewhere but I find it filled with important truths that help clarify how God deals with man.  "Know This That Every Soul is Free".

1. Know this, that ev’ry soul is free
To choose his life and what he’ll be;
For this eternal truth is giv’n:
That God will force no man to heav’n.

2. He’ll call, persuade, direct aright,
And bless with wisdom, love, and light,
In nameless ways be good and kind,
But never force the human mind.

3. Freedom and reason make us men;
Take these away, what are we then?
Mere animals, and just as well
The beasts may think of heav’n or hell.

4. May we no more our pow’rs abuse,
But ways of truth and goodness choose;
Our God is pleased when we improve
His grace and seek his perfect love.

Perhaps we should add another verse that tells of the pain God feels when we hurt each other.

Here's another difficult scripture:  1 Nephi 15:33-36

Wherefore, if they should die in their wickedness they must be cast off also, as to the things which are spiritual, which are pertaining to righteousness; wherefore, they must be brought to stand before God, to be judged of their works; and if their works have been filthiness they must needs be filthy; and if they be filthy it must needs be that they cannot dwell in the kingdom of God; if so, the kingdom of God must be filthy also.

But behold, I say unto you, the kingdom of God is not filthy, and there cannot any unclean thing enter into the kingdom of God; wherefore there must needs be a place of filthiness prepared for that which is filthy.

 And there is a place prepared, yea, even that awful hell of which I have spoken, and the devil is the preparator of it; wherefore the final state of the souls of men is to dwell in the kingdom of God, or to be cast out because of that justice of which I have spoken.

Wherefore, the wicked are rejected from the righteous, and also from that tree of life, whose fruit is most precious and most desirable above all other fruits; yea, and it is the greatest of all the gifts of God. And thus I spake unto my brethren. Amen.

This scripture is even more difficult because in 2 Nephi 26 we find the same Nephi teaching: 

Behold, doth he cry unto any, saying: Depart from me? Behold, I say unto you, Nay; but he saith: Come unto me all ye ends of the earth, buy milk and honey, without money and without price.

The two seem to contradict each other.  So we are stuck having to interpret meaning and that is always the case with scriptures.  

I have learned through all my study and prayer over the years to trust in the loving God.  Therefore I have no choice except to interpret such a scripture to mean that once again the Lord is pleading with His children to CHOOSE eternal life and to live by principles that bring joy to our lives.  He knows the consequences of wrong doing and because He gave us our agency and the right to direct our own lives, He cannot take those consequences away.  We have to WANT to have those consequences removed. 

Filthiness and cleanliness are analogies that people understand.  We can relate to those words, we have experienced them in our daily lives.  That person who chooses to not change is not a devil, an evil person.  He or she is still a child of God with divine potential who has sadly not chosen to let that potential develop.  The scriptures use the word "unclean" to describe that state.  Just as Isaiah in that beautiful scripture that we love described the state of those who turn to the Lord as "white as snow".

Isaiah 1: 18

Come now, and let us reason together, saith the Lord: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool.

So is repentance a joy or a burden? 

I happen to believe it is a GREAT BLESSING!!  What would life be like if we could not change, if what you saw at any point of time is the final potential of any individual?  That would be a sad and hopeless state. 

But we can change! The fact that the Atonement is universal and applies to all men is a beautiful concept.  We are all capable of becoming . . . becoming more loving, more compassionate, more forgiving, etc.  We are all capable of becoming . . . becoming more knowledgeable, more talented, more educated, etc.  We are all capable of becoming.

In truth, we are all becoming, changing, constantly growing and learning through this mortal experience.  We make errors and we can change course.  We do terrible things and have the choice to change our lives around.  And there is One who will always accept our meager efforts and help us to make those changes.  It was so decided long ago when He offered Himself, "Here I am, send me." 

Restoration

I am grateful for the truths of the Restoration. I first heard those truths when I attended the  Mormon Pavilion at the New York world’s Fair in 1964.

Norman Vincent Peale also visited the Pavilion and he responded that in 13 minutes he was “told the story of where we came from, why we are here, and where we are going. The film motivated one to want to make the most of Earth life, and the last 2 minutes of the film where the most touching the most inspirational, and the most revealing of any two minutes of a film I have ever seen in my entire life... Out of this film I learned two things: one, an entirely new concept of the purpose of life and its connection with the eternities; two, an entirely new concept of the importance of the family in connection with the eternities". (From the Mormon pavilion at the 1964-65 New York world's Fair by Brent Top - religious studies center byu.edu)

The “Plan of Salvation”as we call it still touches me.  I watched "Man's Search for Happiness" again this morning.  I got to relive that day in 1964 when I was so touched by this movie that I stayed there at the Mormon Pavilion and watched it over and over.  I had been taught as a child that Jesus Christ was our Savior.  But no one have ever talked about the things I learned that day.

• We are children of God literally. 
• We lived with him before our life on Earth. 
• We really are brothers and sisters. 
• We are Divine in nature with potential we cannot imagine or comprehend. 
• We are here on Earth to gain a body and have experience. 
• We are given the gifts of time and agency. 
• Time forces us to make choices. 
• Agency allows those choices to be real as well as the consequences of those choices. 
• Our choices mold us and define us. We automatically become the person we choose to be. 
• Because we sometimes choose wrong and often cannot repair the damage we do to ourselves, to others and to relationships, we needed a Savior who could compensate for our failings and bring healing to all the pain and suffering of earth life.
• Through Jesus Christ we are prepared for a glorious life in the eternities with those we love. He made it possible.  We need only want it enough to embrace it and make it our own.

These truths inspired me when I heard them in that pavilion in 1964. They inspire me today.

I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of latter-day Saints.

I know who I am. I know God's plan.

I'll follow Him in faith.

I believe in the Savior Jesus Christ

I'll honor His name.

I'll do what is right, I'll follow His Light.

His truth I will proclaim.

Savior / Son / Shepherd

It’s December and a good time to be writing about the Savior. Our Christmas lights are up and so I am surrounded by light here on our porch as I sit down to write. I have been listening to Christmas music for about a week now and already my heart is full of love for the Savior. We were sitting in the living room last evening in the dark with only the lights in the window and on the mantle glowing softly, that warm yellow glow that matches the fire in the fireplace. Music was softly playing from a classical Christmas station on Pandora and I heard a melody playing that are choir used to sing:

Were you there? Were you there on that Christmas night

When the world was filled with Holy Light?

Were you there to behold as the wonder foretold came to Earth?

Did you see, did you see how they hailed him King

With their gifts so rare that they chose to bring?

Did you see how they bowed as they praised him allowed at his birth?

Did you hear how the choirs of Angels sang at the glory of the sight?

Did you hear how the bells of heaven rang all through the night?

Did you know, did you know it was God's own son,

The salvation of the world begun?

Did you know it was love that was sent from above to the Earth?

Did you know it was love that was sent from above to the Earth?

I was asking myself that question the other day as I thought about my own love for this Jesus who I honor as my Savior, God’s son, the one who has shepherded me all my life.

I watched a sweet movie the other night called Angela's Christmas. It is about a little girl who sees the baby Jesus in the manger at church and to her this is not a doll but baby Jesus. She is filled with love for Him and is concerned that He has no blanket in the cold church. So she sneaks in later and takes Him home to get Him warm.

I cried at the simple love for baby Jesus and remembered how I was as a little girl. Christmas for me was always about baby Jesus and oh, how I loved him!

How does a child have that kind of love,? I wonder if I perhaps was given the gift of remembering. Could I possibly have remembered the night of His birthday? Surely all of us in heaven watched as this long-awaited day of His coming to the earth arrived. Where we there? Did we see? Did we hear? Did we sing? Did we know it was love that was sent from above to the Earth?

My own experiences with Jesus have all been filled with love.  When I read His teachings, when I sing hymns about Him, when I take time to be alone with Him, I feel his love. He is my Savior who has lifted me countless times when life has knocked me down. More importantly, when I was at my worst, He wrapped me in His arms of love and encouraged me to move forward and do better.

He is God's son who showed me how a child of God should live. He inspires me to be my better self.

He is the Good Shepherd who has carried me in His arms when I could not do it alone, when life had lets me deplete of the energy or will to move on.

No wonder I love to sing of Him at Christmas time and all year long!

Jesus, the very thought of thee with sweetness fills my breast.

But sweeter far that I face to see and in thy presence rest.

Scriptures

God wants so badly to speak to man,to lead and guide us, to help us through our mortal journey. And so He has inspired some to write His words and those words are called scriptures.

Let me be clear. I love my scriptures. I read them daily. I find answers there. They are like a door to the heavens. I find inspiration when I open them – they are a pathway to God. They are so much more than words written on a page. They nourish my soul. They are my daily bread.

That having been said, they are also too often:

• A reflection of the times and cultures in which they were written 
• God's words filtered through the mind and culture of a mortal who wrote what he thought God said 
• Imperfect therefore often translated incorrectly

I accept the New Testament and the account of Jesus' life as God's attempt to show us His true self. Surely he was as disturbed as I have been at accounts of Him as the angry and vengeful God portrayed in too many biblical stories.

He sent His Son for many reasons and surely one very important one was to help us understand His true character as a Loving Father. Jesus taught “I and the Father are one. If you have seen me, you have seen the Father. “

This is my standard then for understanding and interpreting the scriptures. What does not match what I see in the life of Jesus Christ, I may and indeed must assume has been misinterpreted or misunderstood or even worse written to serve some person's agenda. The scriptures were long used to manipulate and control. Our Christian history is not always inspiring.

So I feel free to reject whatever is written on those pages that is not consistent with my understanding of a Loving Heavenly Father who created plan that would give His children the experiences they needed to become like Him. It was a plan that gave them the gift of agency, the right to make of their lives what they chose – it also provided a way for them to overcome every mistake, and to heal from every hurt. Every part of this plan is filled with the love of those Heavenly Parents whose very existence is focused on helping their children achieve their divine potential.

It is a marvelous story that should fill us with joy and gratitude. We should feel that same joy and gratitude as we read our scriptures. I believe that if we each make a list of our favorite scriptures, we would see God's love shining through.

For me those scriptures are found in all our books of scripture.

Psalm 23, The Lord is my shepherd. . .

Moroni 7, But charity is the pure love of Christ, and it endureth forever; and whoso is found possessed of it at the last day, it shall be well with him. . .

John 3:16, For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son. . .

Mosiah 18,  and now, as ye are desirous to come into the fold of God, and to be called his people, and are willing to bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light. . .

D&C 121, No power or influence can or ought to be maintained by virtue of the priesthood, only by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned;

Oh,  my goodness, the pieces are everywhere! God loves us. Jesus is the Christ. We are children of loving Heavenly Parents. We have Divine potential, etc, etc.

What doesn't match this beautiful story, I just let it alone. I am not required to justify what others have done. I am on a journey to discover who I am and the purpose of my life and I have found all of that in our scriptures, in the Gospel of Jesus Christ.