A Testimony of my Own

A favorite LDS author of mine is Terryl Givens.  I heard him at a BYU devotional several years ago and he said something that really stuck with me.  He said that he had created a set of principles for himself to help him determine if something is true.  His principles were simple.  Any gospel truth would be expansive, redemptive and inclusive.  I created this picture based on his writings:

Brother Givens got me to thinking in a different way.  I gave myself permission to think about the Gospel in terms of how I recognize truth.  I frankly like his 3 phrases a lot.  I have thought about them when I was contemplating a scripture, a talk I was reading, or something someone said in a class or in sacrament meeting.

It is said that if 20 people were all sitting in a room listening to the same person give a speech, there would be 20 different versions of that speech.  Likewise, children growing up in the same home, have different experiences of what that home was all about.  Life is like that because humans are very complex creatures.  We bring with us a personality of our own when we are born.  We are each given a unique and different genetic makeup that forms our thinking.  And from the moment of birth forward we have experiences that affect us differently and we begin to shape our own world views.

As we develop a testimony of the Gospel, all of our individual experiences come into play. We create an individualized paradigm through which we interpret our experiences in the life and also at church.  During the course of our lives, that paradigm will change - hopefully because we are becoming more and more like the Savior. 

I have spent fifty-five years studying the Gospel of Jesus Christ who I accept as my Lord and Savior and who has touched my life in very real ways.  In Paul's beautiful letter, found in 1 Corinthians 13, he says,

"For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known."  

I have used that scripture to guide me in my efforts to grow my own testimony.  I do see through a glass darkly, but although my lens is dark, my experiences are still important and not to be discarded.  As I own and acknowledge them, it helps me to have a deeper understanding of human nature and that understanding has helped me to appreciate Paul's next sentence in that letter:

"And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity."

As I have tried to exercise these three qualities, I have learned to be patient with myself and others and let go of a need to be able to understand everything.  I have a mind that asks questions and analyzes.  It is a blessing and a curse.  Mostly it is a blessing to me as I have learned to combine it with faith, hope, and charity.   

My patriarchal blessing has given me some guidelines to assist me in my quest for understanding and truth:

1.  The Lord has blessed you with a good mind and body and it is expected that you will use your faculties and abilities to the furthering of His work.  I encourage you in your studies.

2.  Live close to your Father in Heaven that you might have the Holy Ghost as a companion.

3. Remember always, that the Lord stands ready to assist those who have sincere and honest intentions, and He stands ready to bless and sustain you.

Yes, I ask a lot of questions and yes, I struggle with some things that are taught or said or that happen at church.  I don't want simple "Sunday School answers" because my questions are sincere and I spend a lot of time in prayer and study seeking answers because in my heart of hearts I know the church is true and I love my Savior.

Paul says that charity is the greatest gift and it truly is.  I have had to practice charity which encompasses, in it's heart, both love and forgiveness for all if I am to live in community with others.  Our church experience happens in a very close knit community which is why we call our congregations a "ward family."  Our ward family gives us a place to practice the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  Humans disappoint us all the time and I remind myself that I do the same.  

In the midst of this community, I am developing my testimony and I cannot let it be affected by the actions of others.  I have to know for myself.  Yet others say and do things with which I may disagree or that I may not think are not fitting a member of the church.  The very act of loving and forgiving has in truth helped me to develop a testimony because I have had to go the Lord and seek His help in doing so.  And there on my knees in prayer I learned for myself that He lives and loves me.  

That is the basis of my testimony - that God loves us.   God loves us.  Everything He does is because He loves us.  I always look for that love.  So I would add to Brother Givens list now.  I would add:  "It is filled with love."

The pages of this blog will be filled with words - a glossary of words that have become a part of my life as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  As I have sat and contemplated each word, I have been able to create my own definitions based on my life of experience and my life of study.  I think you will find that my definitions will each incorporate the principles mentioned above:  A gospel truth is expansive, redemptive, inclusive, and filled with love.  It is the way I see the Gospel and in truth, I love the Gospel because its truths represents those four principles.

Definitions

Definitions are everything. We read a word and by our "understanding of what it means," we come to a conclusion of its meaning.

That's because our understanding is influenced by

• Book learning
• What others have taught us
• What experience we have had
• Cultural understanding

The books "The God Who Weeps" and "The Christ Who Heals" by Terryl and Fiona Givens have made me aware that my understanding of the Gospel of Jesus Christ is limited by my definitions of gospel language.

I need a paradigm switch, a new Webster's dictionary that gives me a new way to define the words that are the language of scripture. This new dictionary will have at its heart the foundations of love - abundant love.

First is the love of Heavenly Parents who want us to grow and progress and to become like them. And second is the love of Jesus Christ who volunteered to be the One who would help us to heal from all the wounds of mortality.

Their love is everlasting. They will continue to love us and help us as we progress through eons of time until at last we ourselves are capable of such love.

So in the light of all that love, let's read and find some gospel language. We'll let go of all the past understanding that reflects what the Lord meant when he said to Joseph "their creeds are an abomination".  We will even let go of some of what we have been taught at church for our definitions here, too often, have been a reflection of the Protestant culture that is so immersed in American culture that we don't see it for what it is.

Remember what John said in John 1:5 "Light shineth in darkness and the darkness comprehended it not." For me that darkness represents the sad interpretation I've had all of my life a basic gospel principles; who the Father is, the role of Christ, the meaning of words like commandment, sin, evil, judgment, heaven, hell, etc.

I believe new definitions will allow me to read my scriptures and see Light where I once beheld Darkness. And most importantly to love my Heavenly Father and to not fear Him.

Discovering Truth

Dieter F. Uchtdorf is the voice of a video, Discovering Truth, that was produced in 2018.  It begins:

It was six men of Indostan

To learning much inclined,

Who went to see the Elephant

(Though all of them were blind),

That each by observation

Might satisfy his mind. . .

Each in his own opinion concludes that the elephant is like a wall, snake, spear, tree, fan or rope, depending upon where they had touched. Their heated debate comes short of physical violence, but the conflict is never resolved.

You know how certain events become pivotal for you.  This was one.  I realized that when we have gospel discussions at church, we are like those blind men.  We each have a piece of truth and we are just sharing the piece we have been given.

Sometimes it feels like all the others in the group are holding on to the trunk of the elephant, so I am afraid to go against the consensus and tell about the piece I am sharing.  But that is exactly when it is so important for me to share.  

After all, my piece comes from a life of discovery - a life that was given to me by the Lord as a part of my education.  It is a part of who I am, of what life itself has taught me.  It takes courage to be vulnerable and share.  

I have to be humble enough to realize that my truth - my experience in life - is just a piece of a larger picture that I have the privilege to share.  It's not about who is right and who is wrong.  It is about sharing our different experiences as we search together for what truth really is.   It's like we are creating a jigsaw puzzle and I am adding my piece.  

“That someone could make a judgment based on one aspect of truth and apply it to the whole seems absurd or even unbelievable,” President Uchtdorf said. “On the other hand, can’t we recognize ourselves in these six blind men? Have we ever been guilty of the same pattern of thought?”

President Uchtdorf concludes:  

“As you accept the responsibility to seek after truth with an open mind and a humble heart, you will become more tolerant of others, more open to listen, more prepared to understand, more inclined to build up instead of tearing down and you will be more willing to go where God wants you to go,” he said.

It's funny that as I have begun to share more freely the piece of the elephant that I am touching, I have begun to enjoy hearing others share their pieces.

Once in a while we may see the whole picture but I personally believe that comes in the next life.

Advocate

There are many scriptures that speak of Jesus as our Advocate with the Father.  Here are two beautiful examples.

29:5. Lift up your hearts, and be glad, for I am in your midst, and am your advocate with the father, and it is his goodwill to give you the kingdom.

62:1 Behold, and hearken, O ye elders of my church, says your God, even Jesus Christ, your advocate, who knoweth the weaknesses of man and how to succor them who are tempted.

It is really important to define the word Advocate so that you see the beauty in these two verses of scripture.

Advocate: (verb)

• To speak or write in favor of
• To support or urge by argument
• To recommend publicly

Advocate: (noun)

• One who does all the above
• One who pleads in behalf of another
• Intercessor
• Court related advocate

Synonyms for Advocate (noun)

• apostle
• backer 
• campaigner 
• champion 
• defender 
• promoter 
• proponent 
• supporter 
• upholder 

Also (but different) 

• attorney 
• counsel 
• defender 
• lawyer 
• pleader

Synonyms for Advocate (verb)

• bless 
• bolster 
• boost 
• brace up 
• build up 
• campaign for 
• defend 
• encourage 
• favor 
• go to bat for 
• promote 
• recommend 
• root for 
• support 
• uphold 

Also (but different)

• defend 
• plead for 
• speak for
• vindicate

Succor (noun) 

• help 
• relief 
• aid 
• assistance

Succor (verb)

• To help or relieve

Synonyms for succor (noun)

• support 
• sustenance 
• comfort

Synonyms for succor (verb)

• comfort 
• help 
• rescue 
• support

With:

• along 
• along with 
• beside 
• including 
• plus
• accompanied by

Because definitions are everything - because how we define words brings meaning to everything we hear or read - our understanding of scripture is based on definitions, of what we were taught words mean.

I was taught the word advocate when applied to Jesus meant that it was His role - as our legal representative - to plead with God the Father to not punish us because of our mistakes and failures in life. It is the old story that paints Heavenly Father as the judge, demanding that the demands of the law of justice be met. Jesus offers Himself in our place and if we believe in Him, He offers us mercy. He asks the Father to let us into heaven based on our faith in Him (Jesus).

That interpretation is a very legalistic approach to the gospel and is rooted in Augustine's teachings and Reformation or Calvinistic thought.

It is inconsistent with Restored truths that teach that God is our literal Father in Heaven. He loves us dearly and created this Earth for us and sent us here to learn to distinguish for ourselves through experience both good and evil. He knows that until we know evil we can never truly choose good. The textbook learning never does what real hands-on learning can do and we as his Spirit children had progressed as far as we could in that heavenly home.   It was time for us to have a real experience in exercising our agency.

By allowing us to exercise agency and to experience the consequences of our choices, He knew we would make mistakes that we could not undo or make right. He knew we would both hurt others and in turn be hurt by the actions of others. He knew that life would be complicated and messy, sometimes horrific. But he promised He would make it all work toward our ultimate good.

Jesus volunteered to come to Earth as the Son of God, experience all the pains of life here, so that by suffering with and for us He could draw us unto Him. When there is no one else who understands, He is there.

Using the definitions above in a non legalistic way and with the more supportive definition of Advocate, I would read this verse as follows:

Doctrine and Covenants 29:5 says Lift up your hearts and be glad. For I am in your midst [I am always available if you need me] and am I am your Advocate [I am here to cheer you on, bless, bolster, encourage, support and uphold] with the Father [he is accompanying me in this. His work and mine are the same. We love you and are here to help you through your mortal journey] and it is His goodwill to give you the kingdom [for this is my work and my glory and Father's work along with me is to do everything we can possibly do to help you along this journey!]

And if I were Jesus speaking to us I would continue with the following:

"What we can't do is remove your agency - you cannot grow into godhead by being a puppet. We cannot remove the consequences of your choices. They are your mortal teachers. Please listen to them.

We cannot manipulate your behavior or infringe upon your agency by handing out rewards whenever you choose right or punishments when you choose wrong. You must learn for yourself and you will soon see how each good choice is its own reward just as each wrong choice will bless you with the knowledge you need to choose better; to price the good if you will remain open to its lessons.

What we promise you is this - there lies before you total understanding, total healing, forgiveness and you will soon learn how important it is to forgive others.

Just remember, we have now made you the creator of the life you desire. Your final destiny - your infinite potential is to be like us and live with us and all those you love forever enjoy and eternal progressions. We hope that is what you will also choose. Will do everything we can to help you get there.

We are forever advocating for you - cheering you on. With all our love Father, Mother, Jesus, Holy Ghost AKA God."

Agency

Agency is all about choices and consequences and our right to choose the course of our own life.  We are not puppets in the hand of God.  We are His children and He knows that in order to become like Him and fulfill our potential, it must be the result of our own choice.  We are not animals being "trained".  We are human beings learning to make choices that benefit our growth and development. We are creating our own eternal destinies.  God's role in this is to save us from the mistakes we make that we cannot correct ourselves and ultimately He will do that.  But in order to give us agency, He has to have a hands off kind of parenting.  He cannot intervene with a blessing for each good act and a punishment for each bad choice.  If so, we would be Pavlonian dogs, being trained to respond to a stimulus.  We are here to learn principles that govern human happiness in the laboratory of life. He has to respect the agency He has given us.

"Choice must be a choice of something... Human liberty requires the freedom of doing as we like, subject to such consequences as may follow." p. 54 The Christ Who Heals (Givens)

Here are my favorite scriptures about agency:

2 Nephi 2:11-12  For it must needs be, that there is an opposition in all things. If not so, righteousness could not be brought to pass, neither wickedness, neither holiness nor misery, neither good nor bad. Wherefore, all things must needs be a compound in one; wherefore, if it should be one body it must needs remain as dead, having no life neither death, nor corruption and corruption, happiness nor misery neither sense nor insensibility. Wherefore, it must needs have been created for a thing of naught; wherefore there would have been no purpose in the end of its creation.

2 Nephi 2:27  Wherefore, men are free according to the flesh, and all things are given unto them which are expedient unto man. And they are free to choose liberty and eternal life through the great mediator of all men, or to choose captivity and death, according to the captivity and power of the devil; for he sick of that all men might be miserable like unto himself

Moses 7:32  The Lord said unto Enoch; behold these thy brethren, they are the workmanship of mine own hands, and I gave unto them their knowledge, in the day I; and in the Garden of Eden gave I unto man his agency.

D&C 93:30  All truth is independent in that sphere in which God has placed it, to act for itself, as all intelligence also; otherwise there is no existence.

I also find this interesting: Agency is one of the Restored Truths. Look in the topical guide. The Bible says little about agency other than references where someone is given the option to make a choice. But all of the restoration scriptures have multiple references to the concept of agency.  Without the complete understanding of the Pre-existence and God's plan for His children, the concept of agency was lost.  Having that understanding back helps me to understand life so much more.  It helps me to understand why God doesn't just intervene and end all human misery.  It helps me to understand why I need a Savior.  It helps me to see how much God loves me and wants me to become like Him.  It gives me faith that I can learn from my mistakes and keep growing and progressing.  I personally am grateful so this Gospel truth.  Hymn # 240 says it well:

Know this that every soul is free

To choose his life and what he'll be. 

For this eternal truth is given 

That God will force no man to heaven. 

He'll call, persuade, direct aright 

And blessed with wisdom, love and light. 

In nameless ways be good and kind 

But never force the human mind.

Freedom and reason make us men.

Take these away, what are we then? 

Mere animals, and just as well 

The beast may think of heaven or hell. 

May we know more our powers abuse 

But ways of Truth and goodness choose. 

Our God is pleased when we improve 

His grace and seek His perfect love.

Atonement

When we left our Heavenly Parents and came to earth we entered a great opportunity to learn and progress and become like them. But that opportunity was fraught with all kinds of separations and fractures of relationships.

1. We were then separated from the presence of God and could never return to the "innocent state" that allowed us to live with Him as His children.

2. We would form earthly families and relationships that become a cultural part of who we are and always will be. Those relationships can be the source of great stability and joybut they can also be very difficult and the source of much pain.

3. Humans often choose to hurt each other and fracture all eternal relationships as sons and daughters of God and therefore as literal brothers and sisters.  The Family of Man has a poor track record when it comes to loving your neighbor.

4. Finally death itself separates us from all we know and love.

None of this is a surprise to God. He knew before He created the Earth that this next step in our progression would be a trial to us. And so it was, that while we were in the Council in Heaven we were given a plan that included a Savior. We shouted for joy knowing that Christ would be our Savior. His atonement would be the healer of all those separations.

His willingness to be our Savior allowed us to come to Earth and maintain our agency. Nothing we would do or that anyone else would do could permanently stop our progression. Mistakes would be made. Sin would be real but the great At-One-ment would help us, and heal us, and bring us again into the presence of our Heavenly Parents. . . 

  

      With our earthly families

      At peace with all our brothers and sisters

     All made one and whole. 

Healed of everything that divides and separates,

     At-One with God

     At-One with family

     At-One with all mankind

Luke 4:18 
The spirit of the Lord is upon me because he has appointed me to preach the gospel to the poor;  he has sent me to heal the brokenhearted, to preach deliverance to the captives, and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty them that are bruised.

2 Nephi 25:13 
Behold, they will crucify Him;  and after He is laid in a sepulcher for the space of three days He will rise from the dead, with healing in his wings.

John 12:32 
And I, if I be lifted up from the earth, will draw all men unto me.

John 3:16-17 
For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten son, that whosoever believeth on Him should not perish but have everlasting life. For God sent not His son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved.

Alma 7:11-12 
And He shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith He will take upon Him the pains and the sicknesses of His people.  And He will take upon Him death, that He may loose the bands of death which bind His people and He will take upon Him their infirmities that His bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that He may know according to the flesh how to succor His people according to their infirmities.

Mosiah 4:6
I say unto you, if ye have come to a knowledge of the goodness of God, and his matchless power; and his wisdom, and his patience, and his long-suffering toward the children of men, and also, the atonement which has been prepared from the foundation of the world. . .

Matthew 1:21 
And she shall bring forth a son, and thou shalt call his name Jesus for he shall save his people from their sins.

John 10:14-15 
I am the Good Shepherd, and know my sheep, and am known of mine. As the Father knoweth me, even so I know the Father and I laid down my life for the sheep.

I love this new way of looking at the Atonement. The old idea of mercy needing to satisfy justice just perpetuated the idea that God is the angry God, the Sovereign who you can never please and so Jesus intervenes and pleads for us - to appease the Father. It is so hard to love that Father.

But in reality the Father, the One who loves me and who gave me agency because He loves me and wants me to fulfill my Divine Potential, accepted Jesus' offer to pay the price so I could have this agency. That understanding makes me love Him and feel grateful that He has provided for my "eternal progression".  I long ago realized my own capacity to choose wrong and to do things that cannot be undone.  Just knowing that healing is possible gives me the faith to move forward, to learn my lessons, to forgive others and ask forgiveness in return.  I am grateful to know that our Heavenly Parents are watching over us and that all that happens here on this earth can be for our benefit through the power of Jesus' atonement and the healing He offers as we turn to Him.  I love the Savior and am most grateful for His Gospel in my own life.

Baptism

Baptism

The Fourth Article of Faith

. . . baptism by immersion for the remission of sin

The Fifth Article of Faith

We believe that a man must be called of God by prophecy and by the laying on of hands by those who are in authority to preach the gospel and administer in the ordinances thereof.

Those Articles of Faith represent the legalism of baptism: its purpose and mode of administration. So often, when the child is baptized, that is what you can be guaranteed the speaker will talk about.  The immersion in water represents a cleansing from sin. You are now clean. And then we talk about why the person who did the baptism was authorized to do so. And we welcome the child as the newest member of the church.

But there is so much more!

It's not that baptism doesn't represent a remission of sin. All of us do terrible things at some point in our lives and are grateful to know we can be forgiven. And it's a wonderful thing to have priesthood authority in our midst. And yes, baptism makes you a member of the church and here is where the good stuff begins. (And it's not about the fact that I belong to the "true" church 😊)

Mosiah 18:8-10

And it came to pass that he said unto them behold, here are the Waters of Mormon (for this they were called) and now, as ye are desirous to come into the fold of God, and to be called his people, and are willing to bear one another's burdens that they may be light;

Yea, and are willing to mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort, and to stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things, and in all places that you may be in, even until death, that you may be redeemed of God, and be numbered with those of the first resurrection, that you may have eternal life-

Now I say unto you, if this be the desire of your hearts, what have you against being baptized in the name of the Lord, as a witness before him that you have entered into a covenant with him, that you will serve him and keep his commandments that he may pour His Spirit more abundantly upon you.

This is the BAPTISMAL COVENANT!

Now let's compare this to Mosiah 24: 13-15

Lift up your heads and be of good comfort, for I know of the covenant which ye have made unto me: (our baptismal covenant) and I will covenant with my people and deliver them out of bondage.

and I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, even that you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage (aren't we all in bondage during our Earth life?)and this I will do that you may stand as witnesses for me hereafter, and that you may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, to visit my people in their afflictions. (Mourn with those who mourn)

And now it came to pass that the burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren were made light; yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord.

And it came to pass that so great was their faith in their patients that the voice of the Lord came on to them again, saying be of good comfort for on the morrow I will deliver you out of bondage.

The Lord makes the same covenant with us!

That is what it means to be a baptized member of the church - a covenant member.

• We bear each other's burdens.
• We mourn with each other.
• We give comfort.
• We participate together in the Lord's work.
• We are the family of God.

This is the beautiful part of our baptism. We are not alone in the world. We have vertical bonds that connect us to our Heavenly parents and to the Savior and we have horizontal ties that bind us to all those who have also made these covenants. We gradually learn to extend that love to all God's children as we "stand as witnesses" to the world by

• Bearing burdens
• Mourning
• Comforting

This is the heart and soul of what it means to be a baptized member of the Lord's church. This is what is meaningfully shared with others as we talk about membership in the church that comes through baptism.

If we get stuck in arguing about mode and authority we miss a great opportunity to teach what the Gospel of Jesus Christ means. Or maybe we haven't learned yet what it means. . .

Beginning

Genesis 1:1 "In the beginning God created the heaven and the Earth."

Alma 40:8 ". . . all is as one day with God, and time only is measured unto men."

2 Peter 3:8 ". . . One day is with the Lord as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day."

D&C 93:21 "I was in the beginning with the father, and am the firstborn."

D&C 93:23 "Ye were also in the beginning with the Father: that which is Spirit, even the spirit of Truth."

D&C 93:29 "Man was also in the beginning with God. Intelligence, or the light of truth, was not created or made; neither indeed can be."

D&C 138:56 "Even before they were born, they, with many others, received their first lessons in the world of spirits. . ."

Beginnings and endings are non-existent to the Latter-Day saint. There just isn't a time when we did not exist or when we shall cease to exist. "I am" - that phrase that Jesus spoke to describe himself  -could be used to describe each of us.

I am. I was. I always will be. My identity as an individual is set. I am a child of God. I am in the likeness of God. I have the potential to become like my Heavenly Parents yet I am still a child, in the infancy of my development. Someday through the eons of time I will fulfill my potential.

I know that because my Heavenly Parents want me to become like them and to live a truly joyful life. They will keep reaching out to me and helping me through the great metamorphosis that yet lies ahead of me.

I've been watching our monarchs all summer. We have nine caterpillars in our butterfly cage right now. They range in size from about 3/4 inch to 2 &1/2 inches. We look forward to seeing them form their chrysalises and finally emerged. But we also love those caterpillars! They are beautiful. We like to watch them move around on the milkweed. We like how their heads bob as they eat. Did you know they curl up and play possum if they feel threatened?

I imagine Heavenly Father watches me in much the same way. He knows my potential and that I will someday be quite different than I am now. But he loves me now just the way I am. "I am a work in progress" is a cute saying with much behind it.

I am grateful for the simple truth - that life is eternal. I am. I always existed and shall live forever. I have divine potential but I am in my infancy - just beginning to become like Father and Mother and learning through the use of the gift of agency what is good and true.

Believe

What does it mean as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints to believe?

Mark 5:36  "Be not afraid, only believe."

Jesus spoke these words to the ruler whose daughter had died. And then they went together to the man's home where Jesus raised her from the dead.

Webster's dictionary says the following:  Believe

1. To accept as true

2. To give Credence to, to hold as one's opinion

3. To have religious faith, to believe in, to have confidence in the existence, truth, or efficacy of

Perhaps the most poignant story from scripture about what it means to believe is this story shared by Mark in chapter 9:23 - 24. A man has a son with an illness that sounds a lot like epilepsy and seeks Jesus' help. " Jesus said unto him, if thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth.

And straightway the father of the child cried out, and said with tears, Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief."

As I consider all these statements I see myself in my own struggle to believe. Looking at the dictionary definitions I start with "to accept as true". I do accept the Gospel of Jesus Christ as true yet I have seen it changed over the years of my life. And besides that, I recognize that some scripture represents not truth but what those people at that time believed was true. So funny as it may seem, I am grateful to belong to a church where there is an openness to change. I can believe because truth is not a set dogma but a never-ending search to understand eternal principles.

Let's look at the second definition. To give credence to, to hold as one's own opinion. Often when I, Loretta, make a statement of belief - that is exactly what I am doing. I am expressing my own opinion. Example :I believe that God loves his children so much, so faithfully, so devotedly that He will work tirelessly and endlessly until He brings all home.

The third definition is to believe in, to have confidence of the existence of. This is religious belief. It is the belief that the two scripture stories illustrate so beautifully. "Be not afraid, only believe". And "Lord, I believe. Help thou my unbelief." This is when belief is a choice.

I have made my choice. We all must decide what we believe life is all about. I have found in the LDS perspective, a belief system that stirs my heart. I am going to quote now from The Crucible of Doubt by Terryl and Fiona Givens because they have helped me sort out the gospel. They have helped me to 1. set aside the weaknesses of its first prophet (and all its leaders), 2. separate the gospel from my Protestant beginnings and the paradigm with which I was raised and 3. separate the gospel from the culture surrounding it.

I find the essence of the Gospel of Jesus Christ to be founded in basic truth about who God is, who man is, and they're shared destiny. I find in these truths a way of thinking that inspires me with faith, hope and charity.

As Terryl Givens says, a gospel truth will be Expansive, Redemptive,  and Inclusive.

The foundational truths are all that.

1. "There is an eternally existing universe presided over by a Deity who embodies the perfect love for which we yearn and for which we ourselves stretch, the weeping God encountered by Enoch. A being who literally, and not metaphorically, feels our pain as well as our joy, and is responsive to it, who made himself vulnerable, and thus won power and space in the world by his weakness."  page 136 The Crucible of Doubt

God is my loving Heavenly Father

I think of the hymns and songs that I love the most and which touch my heart. They are those whose words testify of God and his love.

My Heavenly Father Love Me

I Know My Father Lives

Our Savior's Love

The Lord is My Shepherd

The Lord is My Light

God is Love

How Great thou Art

I Stand All Amazed

I Know That My Redeemer Lives

Where Can I Turn for Peace

Be Still My Soul

Jesus, Lover of My Soul

He Sent His Son

2. "We find here a vision of human identity that is rooted in spirit - a refined matter as ancient or as eternal as the rest of our universe. Consciousness itself, our experience of aliveness and introspection and self-awareness and morality and meaning and responsiveness to beauty suggest a core identity of a radically distinct nature. . . And one that is eternal and. . ." page 136 The Crucible of Doubt

I am a child of God

The music that inspires

I am a Child of God

I Lived in Heaven

A Child's Prayer

I am Like a Star

Know This That Every Soul is Free

3. "A vision of mortality, consistent with the evolving momentum of all nature, that is educated, purposeful, and ennobling. Life is a moral workshop that we enter as willing students, not as unwitting victims of fate or happenstance, not as suffering culprits for an ancient father and mother's supposed crime. Life as a purposeful sojourn through which we strive toward virtue, acquire wisdom to carry with us, and cultivate relationships to survive the grave. Page 136 The Crucible of Doubt

Life is educated, purposeful and ennobling

I love the way the Givens describe our purpose here on Earth. It is so positive. Sometimes the words they choose make me feel happy: Educative, Purposeful, Ennobling.

Compare those words to the grinding feeling when we  focus on "proving ourselves, obedience, sin and repentance". Those feel heavy to me. They make me feel like there's something wrong with me because I constantly have and continue to make serious errors. I get stuck in "Am I a good person or am I bad? How will I ferret judgment? Have I repented enough? " But when I focus on the Givens words I asked very different questions:  "What lessons have I learned so far? What purpose can I find in that experience? How have I changed and become a better person because of my own challenges in life?"

I like the hymn "If You Could Hie to Kolob". Yes, perhaps it could say if you could see the heavens but let's not get caught up with hie and Kolob. This hymn is inspiring!

Life is eternal and the progress we make now is just the beginning of an eternity of growth and progression.

The hymn "O My Father" is another one that reminds me and inspires me that I am here for a purpose - a Divine and eternal purpose. It feels good to sing this song and be reminded that my life is leading to a joyful ending - "Let me come and well with you."

4. "A vision of human potential and work that is universal. No preordained losers, no predetermined hands, no ceilings of celestial glass. Infinite possibilities that do not depend on the circumstances of mortal birth into a particular place or time or culture. A destiny of eternal growth and increasing joy that God has made - and will continue to make - available to all, even as much as they are willing to receive. For it is his will that none should be lost." page 136  The Crucible of Doubt

I am an eternal being with endless possibilities.

I love how I feel when I contemplate eternity and the infinite possibilities that it holds for us.

I like to meditate and in my favorite meditation I visualize myself walking along the beach and I look up and see Heavenly Father walking toward me. I am excited to see him. We have so much to talk about. I hurry to him and He enfolds me in His arms while I bask in His love.

I imagine that joyful reunion for all of us. It will be there in the presence of such Love that we get to talk about our mortal journey and what we have learned. It will be there in the presence of His Love and our Savior's as well that we will heal from all earthly wounds. It will be there that we see what lies ahead.

My favorite song for this section is from the play "My Turn on Earth."

Some dreams must wait life isn't long enough.
Some dreams must wait to come true.
Sometimes it seems life just begins
and then all of a sudden it's through.
There's songs you won't sing.
There's stories that you won't ever hear.
Pages you'll never turn, words that you'll never know, things that you never will see.

Some dreams must wait life isn't long enough.
Some dreams must wait to come true.
It's nice to know there's all eternity
for everything you'd like to do.
There aren't any ____. there aren't any things like calendars.
No such thing as too late, just always and evermore.
That's why I think it's so great
that Heavenly Father and Mother
figured it all out so clever.
There's never enough time and that is why I'm glad we go on forever. . .

Sometimes when we are experiencing difficulties we may say "Keep an eternal perspective". But I like to keep that eternal perspective all the time. There is so much I want to do and to learn. I look forward to a future where I know such growth is possible.

5. "A belief that the relationships that are the end of all our human striving - marital love and unity,parental devotion to children stronger than pain or death, friendships of long duration and those recently formed - that all these endure. The conviction that these are too fine, too transcendent to dissipate in the wake of physical dissolution. It may indeed be wishful, hopeful thinking. But it also seems reasonable, given love's persistent survival amidst the traumas and horrors of history, against the tides of material distractions and the organism's propensity for self-interest, and in the light of theotherwise stingy  economy of the universe. page 137  The Crucible of Doubt

Families are forever

Michael McLean said it best:

Well, it's hard to say goodbye and let go and it's hard to see it end 

when the memories we've just made may never happen again. 

But it's harder for time to erase the together times we've shared. 

So, when we're apart remember all the love we shared together

 and for all that love thank the Lord above who showed us the way 

that we can be together forever someday. 

We will be together forever someday. 

We will be together forever someday

And then there is this simple Primary song we all love:

I have a family here on Earth. 

They are so good to me.

 I want to share my life with them through all eternity. 

Families can be together forever 

through Heavenly father's plan. 

I always want to be with my own family 

and the Lord has shown me how I can. 

The Lord has shown me how I can.

Ultimately we all choose what we will believe. I found in the Church of Jesus Christ of latter day saints a vision that expanded my mind and inspired me to believe that God really cares for His children. Our lay leadership means that we will hear many different versions of that story. Leaders will disappoint us and they will not always reflect the Savior's love. Somewhere along the way I lost my footings on what I believe and have now reclaimed them. They are the simple truths of the restored Gospel:

God lives and is our loving Heavenly Father (and Mother). I am a child of these loving Parents who created the plan so I might become like them. That plan brought me here to Earth and is meant to be educative. It is purposeful and ennobling. I am an eternal being with endless possibilities. The family is central to God's plan and these relationships - along with all our good friends - extend into the eternities. Families are forever.

Jesus Christ is Central to God's plan. He is our savior and Redeemer who knows that our mortal journey will leave us wounded. Some of those wounds are self-inflicted. Some are inflicted by others. Others come from the experiences we have on earth where mother nature and political battles are not always kind. But Jesus is our healer. He will rescue us from our sins and heal us from all else. Neither the consequences of our bad choices nor anything else can stop us from progressing and ultimately becoming like our Heavenly parents. But it is our choice. We are free to choose our own destiny.

I personally believe most everyone will choose to return home. It will just take time but time we have. Father has never declared a set day by which we must be transformed. He will work lovingly and endlessly until our return for "This is my work and my glory to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man."

Man is that he might have joy. Joy comes from living true principles. Heaven is an association of beings who have learned these principles. That means we can claim "heaven" right now when we choose to live the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

Blessings

Most of the time when I hear friends at church talk about blessings it is in the context that when we do something we are asked to do, the Lord will then bless us.  "Obey the commandments and the Lord will bless you."

I was thinking about this recently as I prepared a sacrament meeting talk about tithing.  I realized and I can only speak for myself, but I am not one of those people who has had great miracles come forth as a result of paying tithing. I have never seen a cause and effect relationship between paying my tithing and any letter in the mail with unexpected money or anything like that. 

I'm not sure that I see that kind of cause and effect as a result of my living any specific commandment.

I have actually come to believe that we should not keep a commandment and then look to see what the Lord is going to do for us to reward us. Rather, I believe that each commandment IS the blessing. Paying tithing is a blessing. As the old saying goes and I believe it – “Goodness is its own reward.”

I also believe that consequences of actions are not immediate and that is by design.  The Lord gave us moral agency when He created this earth.  We are free to choose our own actions and we also choose the consequences of those actions.  Ultimately, these choices will define us and we will become what we have chosen.

But if agency is truly to be ours, we cannot have immediate consequences.  If every time we did something good, the Lord rewarded us, we would end up doing good for the wrong reasons. Likewise, if every time we made a mistake, there was instant punishment, we would stop those behaviors - also for the wrong reason.

We need to learn for ourselves - not just be trained to act in certain ways.  So blessings cannot be God's reward for choosing to live the commandments as if He were rewarding our choice. 

So am I saying that I have no blessings?  That God has never blessed me?  Absolutely NOT!!

My life is SO blessed.  Life itself is a blessing. The earth is an amazing place!  The people in my life are blessings.  The Gospel blesses me every day.  My husband is an angel with whom it is a pleasure to share my life.  

Blessings abound!  I am filled with gratitude for the life I have been given.